Coach Bre 1:21

stop watching your daughter spiral mid-game and not know how to help. You're gonna do this instead. Today, I am sharing part of a conversation I had with Michelle and Danielle, two real moms inside our program, The Elite Competitor Academy, and their daughters, Elise and Ella. Elise plays soccer, Ella swims And they both have changed since they started training their mental game. And in this part, Michelle is actually gonna walk you through a trick that she came up with to help Elise trust herself mid-game. And Ella is going to talk about how she uses the snapback routine mid-swim, even if she can't actually do the full routine underwater. So you're gonna hear directly from these moms about the specific changes they saw on the field and in the pool once these tools to help their athletes bounce back faster became a habit. And it's the kind of details like this that are really hard to make up because the changes when your athlete actually has a system and a tool to use instead of spiraling, instead of getting in her own head, that's when the real difference happens. So enjoy this conversation with Danielle and Michelle, Elise and Ella. talk about what you started to notice. So Elise, I want you to let us know, like, what's something that you learned that you actually use and worked in a game. Anything around, any stories, anything you wanna share.

Elise 2:40

Um, one thing that I, like, learned Um, it's like, or it started to show in a game is, like, one time, like, my coach, he was like, um, "Wait, what are you doing differently? Like, you've improved. Like, I can see a difference." And I was like, "I've just started, like, I've started to train my mental side of this, and it's improved me so much." And he was like, "Well, keep doing it, 'cause it's working."

Coach Bre 3:06

Oh, my gosh. That's the best, when other people start to notice. You're like, "Oh, okay." Um, tell me about last weekend, and, and how that all went, and the pressure and everything.

Elise 3:16

So last weekend, we actually... Our team only had about, like, two practices. Mm-hmm. And we just, we had this tournament coming up, and it was so hot. It's the hottest part of the day. We had lots of games. And our team, they just, like, we came out strong, and we were just, like, confident in ourselves, and we all, like, trusted ourselves, and we knew- Mm-hmm that, like, we had the skills for this, and we got this. So when we came out, we were all confident. And then right off the bat, we scored, and it was just, like, overwhelming, like, "Yes, team, let's go."

3:49

Nice. Yeah, and you know how it feels to walk onto the field with that mindset versus the mindset of, "I hope we don't lose," or, "Is this gonna be terrible if we don't?" Yeah.

Michelle 4:02

That was her before. Everybody on here, it's so hard. Yeah. And you're not alone. And that's what I want to say, 'cause when we sat on this, you guys, I, I remember, like, the light bulb going off for Elise where she felt like she wasn't alone. Mm-hmm. Like, this is happening to all of you. It's happening to us, you know? Like, and the support system that you guys give, she didn't feel like she was stuck anymore.

4:24

Mm-hmm.

Michelle 4:24

And it, it just, she was a different kid on the field.

4:28

Oh, that's so great. Um, and Michelle, so you already kind of started on it, but, like, what did you start to notice in Elise? Like, what was, what was the change?

Michelle 4:33

Oh, my gosh. She was a different kid on the field. Okay. So, um, she continued down the path of that, right? She got through her snapback at... We started this towards the end of the season. Okay. Um, so she worked on it through the summer. Um, and when she got out on the field, the one thing we do though is on her wrists, um-

4:53

Mm-hmm

Michelle 4:53

we, her coach always says, "Trust yourself. Trust your skills." And so, you know, she has her word of trust, and I would on one hand, on one wrist I would write T-Y in my finger for trust yourself, and on the other one- Okay I'd put a heart. Mm-hmm. And then I, and I'd, you know, look at her and I'd say, "You got this," and she'd go. And so as a parent, being able to support them and identifying, like, what, what that specific thing is, as you go through the program you'll understand this more, but you're supporting them. But she just looked like an entire different kid. She took the ball. She went and she, you know, shot, scored. Like, she was just a different kid. And I, I don't know how to, you know, thank you and, you know, Coach Saylor. This has just been insane, and I know that and some of you are thinking like, "Well, how is this?" I'm, and as a parent, you guys, we learn, too, because we wanna say things after that we maybe shouldn't say. Mm-hmm. And we think that we're helping. And, and, you know, and so I think that's helped us the most.

5:51

Oh, that's great. Um, and I'm gonna get into the parent side, too, 'cause I wanna, I wanna hear more about that. But, um, Ella, what did you start to notice? What were the tools that you started to pick up?

Ella 6:03

Um, I felt like I was more prepared when I was going into my swims, especially because as a swimmer it's, I can't really do my Bounce Back routine in the water. Mm-hmm. So it's more of helping me prepare before to be prepared in the water and to be able to recover afterwards, which I felt like was the biggest- kind of thing that I thought was really helpful about that.

Coach Bre 6:26

Yeah. So what do you do... 'Cause we've had that question come up from athletes, like with runners, gymnasts, swimmers, like, what do you do mid- mid-swim or mid-race if you are feeling like, "Okay, I need to pick it up," or anything that's happening. Do you- what do you do? How do you modify it?

Ella 6:44

Well, I feel like it's really different for different kind of swimmers, especially in the- Mm-hmm swim perspective. But as a long distance swimmer, I just kind of try to think of maybe how much I have left, or maybe if I have somebody counting for a longer bit, I can be like, "Oh, well, they're telling me to go faster, I should speed up. And then looking at other people around me, thinking about their times, like, just kind of things that are like, "Oh, I'm doing really good where I am."

Coach Bre 7:05

Yeah. Okay. Awesome. Um, all right, Danielle, what did you start to notice?

Danyell 7:11

I started to notice that she seemed less nervous before her swims- Mm-hmm and she started creating a routine. Like, you would see her do the same thing on the blocks every time, and I don't know if she knew she was doing it or not. Like, she started having a routine to prep to, from the block before she would swim. And I noticed that she was supporting other people who were getting, anxious or were, you know, had a bad swim or were getting ready for a swim I was noticing her really pepping them up, too.

7:44

Oh,

Danyell 7:44

yeah. And kind of using those pieces. And that seemed to really help her also. So, um, and just how quickly, because you may have, you know, you may have three or four swims in one day. If you have a bad swim, how quickly she would knock that one off, you know, have the talk with the coach, knock that one off, and then prep for her next swim. It just seemed like it was a brand new swim. It didn't feel like she was carrying that last swim with her.

Coach Bre 8:11

Yeah. Oh, that's huge. Especially, like, when you do have full days of, like, back to back and taking one bad performance into the next can just, like, taint the whole thing, so yeah, that's great.. I'm curious because, um, I know Danielle and Michelle, you both have, you know, you both shared that the parents' side has been huge, too. At least, I know I didn't prep you with this question. I gave you some questions to think about ahead of time, and I didn't put this one on here, so I'm kind of putting you on the spot. But I'm just curious, did you notice anything different that your mom was doing? Like, was the- was there anything different? Wait, were the conversations different? Yeah, talk about that.

Elise 8:47

So I noticed that after games, she wouldn't be like, she wouldn't be like, "Oh," or... Let me, how do I say this? Yeah. She wouldn't be like, um, like, she wouldn't say, like, right on, like, about, like, any, like, like, things I could've done better or anything that I, like, like, could've done, like, even a tiny bit better. Like, there wasn't anything, like, negative brought up. She would always bring out the positive. She'd be like, "I thought that that shot you had was really well, and I thought you made a really good run there." And it just, like, it, like, boosted my confidence, and it didn't, like, keep me, it didn't make me, like, in my own head be like, "Oh yeah, I should've done that better. I should've, I should've done that." No, it's, it reprogrammed my brain to be like, "Yeah, I did do that really well, and I did do, I did have good shots, and I had so many good runs." And it was just, like, like a whole different, like, perspective at the end of the games.

9:43

Mm-hmm. Yeah, because remember, we have that negativity bias. We have the ANTS. I know Saylor talks about that all the time. We have the automatic negative thoughts. And, like, if we don't do anything about that, they will just run the show, and it can take, like, a, a decent or a good performance and make, your brain is like, "That was the most terrible thing I've ever done in my whole life." Um, and so it's not to say that we don't also, um, see where we need to improve and take... But it's a constructive way to look at it. It's not beating yourself up. It's, "Okay, what can I learn from that, and what's one thing I'm gonna do different in the next practice?" And that gives you a much different energy going into the practice. Just like, "Okay, this is what I'm gonna work on improving what I learned from last time." Um, and realizing that our brain is always scanning our environment, and so we have to help it find evidence of improvement. And so sounds like your mom helps you do that. Um, yeah, Michelle, what did you start doing differently?

Michelle 10:37

Um, I think exactly what she said there. Um, but it taught me really how to support her differently. And I think every interaction we have, and even on the sidelines or if you're in the stands, like, if you're not smiling, and your face, sometimes your body language gives off a different tone. And I think, um, going through this program, it's taught me how to support her differently.

11:03

Yeah. Yeah. Totally. Okay. Ella, did you notice anything differently or anything different from, from your mom?

Ella 11:10

I feel like she was giving me a bit more free rein about how I was kind of choosing to kind of get myself back up after things, or, like, especially after, like, a really long weekend or, like, maybe, like, a specifically hard race, how she was kind of giving m- me more control about how I reacted to it.

11:28

Yeah. That's, that's great. And so Danielle, what, what was that from your perspective? What were you doing differently?

Danyell 11:34

Um, well, not talking.

11:38

Oh, yeah.

Danyell 11:38

You know, we'd be so excited about a swim or like, "Oh, you made your cut," or it was like giving her the space to lead. And- Mm-hmm a lot of times it was, you know, "What do you want to eat?" You know? Mm-hmm. It would, it, you know, we would keep it in that space, and then she, she could lead on what she wanted to talk about. And, um, then I knew I could always, you know, talk to an, you know, talk to my husband or talk to somebody else and go, "That was so exciting," you know. But, and it may get to that point- Mm-hmm where we get to have that conversations, and sometimes it didn't. And it was about her and her swim. It wasn't about, you know, how we experienced it. So I think that was, you know, a big piece of just giving her the space to figure out what that looks like for her.

12:22

Yeah. Yeah. Oh, so good. And it's just like those little things, you know, like letting her kind of have the experience. Like ch- you know, it just makes all the difference.

Bre Ai 12:32

If what you just heard sounds like your daughter, this is exactly what the Elite Competitor Academy was built for. It's a self-paced mental training program for girl athletes Inside, she gets real skills for bouncing back from mistakes, handling nerves before a game, and quieting the voice that tells her she's not good enough. You get scripts for what to say after a rough game and a way to support her without adding more pressure. It used to be called the Elite Mental Game. Same program, new name, and it's still the one over ten thousand families have used. If you want to see what's inside, head to academy.elitecompetitor.com/join-eca.