Athletes, if you think your coach doesn't like you for whatever reason, maybe you feel like they don't coach you as much as other people, maybe you think that they're picking on you or they're playing favorites. Whatever the reason that that thought has entered into your mind, I want you to hear this from somebody who has been coaching athletes for the past 14 seasons. You might be reading it wrong. And that's not to say that your feelings aren't real and that what you're thinking isn't true, but at a minimum, these thoughts probably are not helping you. In fact, it's probably making things really tough for you as an athlete. It's not very fun to go to practice, games are maybe challenging, and then you're stuck in your head wondering why this coach doesn't like you or why they're picking on you. So in this episode, I'm gonna break down three things that you can do if you are stuck in this cycle of thinking that your coach doesn't like you, 'cause it's no fun to be in. Now, before I get into it, I want to give a shout-out to an athlete that's in our community. This athlete is doing our mental training program she said that... She goes, "Hey, coaches. I just finished up my tournament this weekend. I wanna share my personal wins with you. We played some of the best teams in California, and I'm so proud of our team for bringing it, even if we didn't win everything. I didn't get as much playing time this weekend as I wanted, but my coach came up to me afterwards to tell me what a contribution I make to this team with my energy and spirit, and how grateful they are for me to be a part of this team. It meant a lot, and I'm so thankful for you guys helping me realize the ways I can help my team grow even when I'm not playing." So Audrey, I just wanna give you a huge shout-out, because a lot of times athletes that are in this situation where maybe they're not getting the playing time they want, they can go really negative. In fact, they can go to a place of, "I'm not playing because my coach doesn't like me," right? Or, "I'm the worst one on the team," or, "I don't contribute if I'm not actually playing as much as everybody else." And here's the problem with that line of thinking, is that that will put you into a really negative space, and it'll impact how you show up for your team, probably making you a little bit more discouraged, not very connected to your team. You're not trying as hard as you could be, and it makes everything just way harder. Audrey didn't do that. She actually went to a place of, "How can I contribute to my team even if I'm not getting everything I want right now?" And she showed up for her team, and her coach noticed, which was amazing. All right, so good job, Audrey. Now, if you're in this space, like I said, of thinking your coach doesn't like you, three things I want you to think about. If your coach is coaching you, if they're still talking to you, correcting you, giving you feedback, that is an investment That is them seeing something in you that they are still going to spend time coaching. Okay? And if a coach is going completely silent on you, so they have stopped coaching you, a whole practice, they're not acknowledging you, they're not talking to you, then that might mean that there's something going on there. Not that their coach doesn't like you, but maybe their corrections are not landing anymore, and so they might not be investing as much because you're not changing. And this has happened to me, not where I've given up on an athlete or anything like that, but it comes to a point where, I'm coaching, I'm trying, I'm, saying these things, and if an athlete is not taking the feedback or they're not acknowledging and they're not being coachable, then I'm going to invest my time and my energy in the athletes that are. And so I would just reflect on that a little bit and realize that sometimes athletes think that their coach is picking on them, when in reality, their coach is actually coaching them. And that's what you want. And I had a situation with a player not too long ago, where we were at this camp and there was a different coach that was coaching her. And this coach was coaching her hard and was helping her rise to the standard that they were expecting for a certain drill, and then she got it. And then this same coach started coaching her on something different. And afterwards, the player was like, "Ah, that coach was picking on me." And I was like, "Oh, that's interesting. I totally saw it different. I saw it that this coach was coaching you, and you got it. They kept investing in you, and you finally got the skill. And then, because you were able to change and demonstrate that you could do that, they were coaching you on something else to help you get another skill. And that's what you want, right?" And she's like, "Oh, yeah. Actually, that was good. They weren't picking on me. They were coaching me." So think about it that way. If a coach is investing in you and they're giving you feedback, then that's what you want. Another thing to think about is your thought that your coach doesn't like you is actually making things harder than they need to be. Because whether your coach likes you or not doesn't really matter. And in fact, unless your coach has told you to your face, "I don't like you," you actually don't know if that statement is true or not. So you're reading into something. You're reading into a way that they are sh- treating you, that they're coaching somebody... you're creating a story essentially in your head of what you think, and that's not a fact. And so this story that you're creating in your head, whether or not it's founded, doesn't matter, it is making things harder for you. Because when you think somebody doesn't like you, especially a coach, you are going to probably be acting a little bit differently around them. We talk about this a lot inside our mental training program with athletes, we actually have a, a thing called a thought wheel. And the situation is that you, aren't getting maybe the coaching or the feedback that you want, and the thought that you're developing because of that is, "My coach doesn't like me." Thoughts lead to feelings, so if you're thinking a thought like that, then you're probably gonna feel discouraged, unmotivated. Feelings lead to actions, and actions are what you do in practice or what you don't do. And so if you're feeling discouraged, unmotivated, then in practice you're probably not gonna be trying as hard as you could. You're probably gonna be avoiding your coach and this might be happening without you even really knowing. That's how powerful your brain is and how it controls your body. And your actions lead to your results. And so if you're not going as hard as you could in practice, if you're just, going through the motions, avoiding your coach, you're probably not going to be getting better. That's the result you're gonna be getting, and that's gonna put you back in the situation, frustrated with whatever is going on, still thinking the same thought, "See, my coach doesn't like me." And that's how powerful our brain is and how it works, is that when you think a thought like that, it almost traps you so that you can't think anything else. And so you have to learn how do you shift that thought from, "My coach doesn't like me," to something more productive. It doesn't have to be positive. You don't have to think, like, "My coach loves me," but I think, you're really focusing on the wrong thing. It doesn't matter if your coach likes you or not, okay? Your thoughts need to go to, "How can I be a better player no matter what? What is my focus for practice today? What's my intention? How am I gonna get better? How did I encourage a teammate? How did I get better today at practice? What are my goals?" There's so many other things that you could be thinking about that are gonna help you and serve you and grow you as an athlete than what your coach is thinking about you Okay, the last thing I'll leave you with is that if you do need to have a conversation with your coach, not about whether or not they like you, that's not a productive conversation, but maybe you do need something. So you're defaulting to this thought that, "My coach doesn't like me," when really the underlying need is, "I need them to give me more feedback." Okay? Or, "I need them to be clear on what my role is on this team." That is advocacy, and that is something that you need to talk to your coach about. I know that can be scary, but nothing is going to improve if you don't have a conversation. It doesn't have to be a big, huge, full-on conversation. But maybe it's as simple as, "Hey, Coach, after practice, can I talk to you about something? Can you help me understand why I was pulled out from the game on Saturday? I thought I was having a good game, and I wasn't... I was left a little bit confused on why that happened. Can you help me understand?" And that's a very respectful way to address that need that you have. Or, "Hey, Coach, I'm really working on, angling my platform to target. Can you watch the next couple of reps that I have and give me some feedback?" So instead of just complaining that you're not getting feedback or complaining that you're not getting as much coaching as somebody else, what do you actually need? And ask for what you need. That is actually on the path to, getting better, getting what you need. You're gonna improve as an athlete. But ultimately, we wanna get out of the space of always thinking, "My coach doesn't like me," because that's not helping you improve. In fact, it's making your season harder for you. So these are the type of things that we work with athletes inside our mental training program we have community with athletes. These are what the best athletes are doing to separate themselves as athletes. Average athletes put in the physical reps. They just go to practice, they work hard, but that's not what gets them far. Because what separates athletes when it matters is the mental skills around how you deal with pressure. How do you deal with situations in your mind of thinking, "My coach doesn't like me," or, "My teammates don't like me"? What do you do when you get down on yourself? How do you get out of your own head when you start overthinking? Those are skills that separate the best athletes from average athletes. So if you wanna learn more about that, below I have a quiz that you can go take. It's called the What's Your Competitor Style quiz. That'll help you know what, type of competitor you are, what your strengths are, and what you need to work on the mental side of the game to help you separate yourself as an athlete. All right, athletes, I hope this is helpful. I will see you in the next Athlete Tip episode.