Girls are quitting sports at twice the rate of boys by age 14. Twice the rate and one of the biggest reasons they're leaving the mental game. Fear of judgment. Low confidence, anxiety, pressure to perform. Coaches, parents, you see all of this, like they feel like they just don't belong. And these are skill gaps, not character flaws. They're teachable. And here's the thing. We both have lived this, both Christina and I, we were good at our sports and we built our identities around them, much like the youth that we work with now. And then we both quit. And it's not because we stopped loving the game, it was because we couldn't handle the what came with it. We didn't have the tools to actually be an athlete. Yeah. And tell me you were an athlete without telling me you were an athlete. I'll go first. I still have reoccurring nightmares about showing up late to practice. Like I'll wake up in a full panic, um, and a sweat. Okay. Mine. I cannot walk anywhere or throw anything away without first calculating like. Angle or the distance. So just trying to throw garbage away. It's like I'm lining up to take like the game winning shot or something. That's actually kind of cool though. But this is what happens when you play sports your whole life. It gets in your bones and your nervous system, your literal dreams. So before we go any further, if you're listening to Raising Elite competitors or coach her game. You know me, I'm Coach Bree. I'm usually the voice that you hear on these podcasts, but today is kind of special. I have my co-founder and business partner with me, Christina, and if you're wondering why you haven't heard much of her before, it's because she is the behind the scenes builder of our company. She's the systems thinker, she's the partnership strategist and the one making sure everything actually works while I'm out in front of all of you talking. I think that might be just your generous way of saying that. I also try to avoid the spotlight, which we'll get into when we talk about quitting basketball. Yeah, well, we're definitely getting into that today, but today we're both here because we're doing something that we haven't ever done before. On this podcast, we are pulling back the curtain on why the elite competitor exists, not just the programs that we have built for your daughters or for your athletes, but the mission underneath it all. It's called Play, stay, lead, and it's the reason we show up every single day to do this work. Fair warning. Uh, Bria and I are gonna share a couple of our own stories that are pretty personal to us. They're stories that we've carried for a really long time. And if you're listening, we know that's because you're really invested in keeping girls in sports too. So we want you to understand really what's behind the mission and why this is so personal to us. All right, let's get into it. We are introducing Play Day Lead now after like over 200 episodes at this really cool inflection point in our company. We've actually been quietly building this mission for years, and now we're stepping into bigger partnerships with brands, with athletes, with organizations, people who are also trying to solve this girls sports dropout crisis. And we really want you to understand what we're actually building here, because place stay lead is not just a tagline, it's not a campaign or an initiative that we're launching. It's really our company's mission. It's what drives us every single day and every single thing we're doing, everything we create. So when you hear us say, place, stay, lead, this is what we mean. All right, so play is about helping girls build the mental game skills to love their sport, to handle pressure, the mistakes, the comparison, all that hard stuff that makes sports. Hard so they can actually enjoy playing. Stay is about giving them the tools to navigate the challenges and stay in the game because girls, like I said, are quitting at twice the rate of boys by age 14, and it's not because they stop loving sports, it's because the emotional cost becomes too high. And lead is really about what happens when girls stay in sports. They develop confidence, resilience, mental toughness. They learn how to show up under pressure, recover from failure, work with their teammates, and that translates directly into leadership across their whole life. You've probably seen this study that says that 94% of C-suite women actually played sports. So it's not a coincidence when these girls are staying in sports longer. They're becoming women who can lead later in life, um, with confidence. Okay, so that's kind of the big picture of play, stay, lead. That's the mission underneath raising elite competitors. Coach Your game, the lead mental game, our programs, all of it. And today we're gonna tell you why this mission is personal for us because. We're not doing this work because we study the dropout crisis. Although that's part of it. It's because we've lived it ourselves. So Christina, we're going to start with your story. Can you tell us about basketball? Okay. Yeah. Um, let's see. So when I was a kid, I loved basketball. I really, really loved it. I grew up playing basketball with my dad and my brothers. We lived in this teeny, teeny tiny town, and we had a big open parking lot across the street from us, and we would go over there and play basketball all the time. I remember my youngest brother, he couldn't make it all the way to the hoop, so he just had to hit the pole in order to score. Um, meanwhile, Brett and I, you know, were. Trying to make every single shot, and I just loved it. I have so many fun memories from being a little kid and playing over there. Um, and I played all the way through elementary school, middle school, high school. I was a starter. I think I made varsity my sophomore year, if I remember correctly. And I was really good, like I loved basketball. And then my senior year, I was supposed to be one of the leaders on the team. We had just won the volleyball state championship and volleyball and basketball are back to back sports. So I was just coming off of that. Everything, you know, seemingly was wonderful. And then I just quit, decided I was done with basketball just like that. Just quit. Yeah. Literally right before the season started. I don't even remember how many, probably days happened between volleyball and basketball. Um, but I just decided I was done. I didn't really give anybody a heads up. My coach, my teammates. I just told everybody that I wasn't playing. I just couldn't do it anymore. Hmm. Okay. So clearly there were some things going on. What was happening? Yeah. Um, I just, I couldn't shoot anymore. I physically couldn't do it. I. I had, I had already been having this feeling for years where I, everybody expected me to shoot. They, I had a great shot. My coaches would gimme pep talks. They would talk to me about why I wasn't shooting, and I just could not do it. I would get the ball, I would be open like the whole season before and I would freeze pass it. I just would never shoot. And it wasn't fun. And so it wasn't a physical thing. It wasn't like I was, wasn't good at basketball. I loved basketball and I was really good at it. It was entirely mental. Yeah, and this is something we hear a lot from athletes in our program now, but what do you think was causing that? Yeah, it's weird'cause when I, now looking back, I can better understand what was going on in the time. I didn't, I think I knew, but not, I couldn't really articulate it. But looking back as now I know it's, I just did not wanna stand out. I didn't want people to be mad at me for being too good. Um, I know how that sounds too, but I had an experience, or probably actually multiple experiences when I was younger in middle school, where I would score a lot of points because I was a really great shooter and my friends would get mad at me. And I, I can't remember now, like exact stories. But you know how middle school is and there's so much drama anyways, and I had just moved from that teeny tiny town I was talking about into a, what felt like a huge city and a big middle school. And I, you know, I finally made, not finally, but I had a group of friends and then they would all be mad at me because I was scoring too much. And so I just. I learned to step back to kinda shrink into myself. So I didn't wanna take the big shots. I didn't wanna be too much, I didn't wanna be the go-to person. I didn't wanna be too good. Um, I really didn't wanna be noticed in such a weird feeling to be good at something, to want to be good at something, and then also at the same time not be noticed. Like, those don't, just don't really go well together. Um, so it was an impossible standard to maintain. Right. Yeah. And that's such a specific type of pressure because it's not this pressure to be perfect that we also hear a lot of, but this pressure to be invisible while also performing, like you said, those things like don't really work well together. Yeah. And I also did have a lot of perfectionism, which I think is a lot of a volleyball player trait of being perfect. So I had a ton of perfectionism as well, but in basketball it was really this. Fear of not being liked and people being mad at me and not wanting to stand out. And yeah. And I didn't have the tools to manage it, so I didn't have a way to say like, Hey, I'm struggling with this, or I need help, or even to talk about it. So yeah, I didn't know how to separate my worth from what people thought of me. And you know, you throw a little friend drama into the mix of all that and it just, it felt unbearable. So it felt like quitting was the only thing I could do. Yeah. So what did you tell people? Um, I told him at the time that I was gonna focus on volleyball, which technically was true because I was also playing club volleyball and I wanted to play in college. But the real re that was like a cop out, simpler thing to tell everybody. But the real reason was that I just really couldn't handle that emotional cost anymore. And like the anxiety and the pressure and this voice in my head that said like, don't mess up, don't stand out, don't let people down. And then. At the same time, don't get anybody mad and they're gonna be mad at you either way. Like they're gonna be mad at you'cause you did too good, or they're gonna be mad at you because you didn't score. And now you know, the team needed you to score. So it was just like a lose lose it felt like. And it was just a lot easier to quit. Yeah. Okay. And so how did you feel after you made that decision to quit? Yeah. Um, I felt relief. Because it did feel like it took a lot of pressure off of me, but I also felt a lot of sadness and embarrassment too. Like that's not who I am. Like I don't quit. I feel like I'm gonna cry. Um, yeah. But you know, I'm somebody who figures things out so I don't give up. But in that time I don't, I don't know. I did so. Mm-hmm. I guess clearly even to this day, how many ever, many years, this is later. I still feel like a lot of sadness from it. Yeah. Which makes a lot of sense. It's like, I mean, it's probably a little bit unresolved too, you know, and it brings up a lot. Um, did you end up playing basketball again? Um, I, I feel like in college, a little bit in the intramurals, so obviously that's not the same, but, mm-hmm. I dunno, I could go through the motions. I could play, I just never. I don't know. It just wasn't the same. So that like the whole connection I had as a kid, just, I don't know, it was gone. Yeah, I get that. That's really hard. And um, that's kind of the wound that you're healing right now. I mean, through this work, through the work that we get to do with. Families and with athletes as well. Yeah. And it's not like I loved or stopped playing because I didn't love the sport, or, you know, I wasn't good enough. I, I really just didn't have the mental skills to handle it all. So, yeah, I love that, like when we get to help the girls with this, it's, I, it is just the best feeling to know that these girls that we're working with, like, they're not gonna be in their forties and. Sad on a podcast because they quit their sport. So, you know, even if they choose to quit, it's mm-hmm. Have the skills to make a good decision about it. Yeah. Yeah. I'm glad you said that because there are times where it makes sense to walk away from your sport. It's not, we're not saying that, but having that be our only option is really what a lot of girls are faced with.'cause they don't have the skills to do anything else. Yeah, yeah, exactly. Okay. Switching gears. Deep breath. Okay. Your turn. Yay. All right. My turn. Okay. Um, yeah, so you share your story about quitting volleyball a lot you share it on. Sure. I know you've talked about on the podcast, I know you share it in our free trainings a lot. So I wanna get a deeper version. Can't really be me crying on the podcast. Oh, great. Okay. Um, but yeah, so tell us the parts you don't usually get into. Tell us, tell us about volleyball. Yeah, yeah, you're right. I do feel like I share this story a lot, but yeah, volleyball was, was my main sport. Um, and I started. In middle school because I kept getting hunted down by teachers because I was six feet tall in middle school. And so I did have the basketball coach telling me that I need to play, but I tried and I don't, I don't know how you enjoyed having sweaty armpits in your face all the time. It wasn't my idea because time. So, um, the volleyball coach was also trying to get me to play and that ended up being like the sport that I really liked. There was a net between me and my opponent, and so I started. You know, kind of falling in love with it. I fell into the club scene, started playing year round. I started to get recruited by the time I was a senior because I got pretty good. I also got blessed with like, really good coaches. I don't know, I, my coach in high school was, um, the assistant coach at Washington State for, for several years. I had really great club coaches, so, you know, I was raw and. Um, I started to get pretty good. Um, and then, you know, towards, I mean, really all of my high school career, my parents kinda went through this really brutal divorce and senior year was kind of when it was all coming together and I just felt like. I couldn't really handle that while also this pressure of performing while my family was falling apart. I also struggled with perfectionism. I mean, there's a lot that was going on with just like the sport itself, but I just felt like the cumulation of stress was unbearable. Yeah, that's a lot. What did, what did the pressure feel like to you? I mean, it felt like I was. Always letting people down, like coaches, teammates, parents who were like kind of in the middle of their own thing and couldn't really show up for me in the way that they normally would. And I also tied a lot of my self worth from a very young age to being a good athlete and a good daughter. And. I just couldn't do both perfectly. I felt like everything was just kind of falling apart. And I think that a lot of our girl athletes get that message from a young age too. Um, especially as they start to get good at sports is they, like they tend to tie their self-worth with that. So that became all part of my identity and I don't know, I just kind of felt like it, I was feeling it wasn't fun, so I also ended up quitting. Right after high school, after my senior season, I like turned down all of these offers. Um, just walked away. Yeah. Yeah. And how did it feel to do that? Like you, it actually did feel in the moment, like a weight was lifted. I felt the same, the same exact thing that you said where it was like. This is kind of a lose lose situation either. I still deal with this for the next four to five years of this like pressure perfectionism, feeling like no, nothing was ever gonna be good enough. I remember even like my best games, I just still like wasn't happy, um, or like I quit. So like those are my, my two options. Um, and. I just, even though I felt also like I let everybody down, I remember somebody saying, I'm like, that it was a waste of talent. I don't know if that was like apparent or, and I was like, oh, that's just, now I look back and I'm like, reaffirming. Like my only purpose in life is to like be a good athlete. Um, and so I don't know. I felt relief, but then also like, yeah. I knew that I still loved volleyball deep down and you know, it was hard. I'm also like quite the people pleaser, at least, you know, I'm getting better now, but like at that time I'm like, it was hard seeing people be like disappointed with me also. Yeah. Gosh, I still relate to that. Um, but you came back. Yeah. Yes. So that's, um, a little bit of a twist. Uh, just, it's part of the story that changed a lot for me though because, um, I went to college in Washington as, you know, this just due, I just, I wanted to focus on academics, right. And, um, I ended up going to this division two college that was really good at volleyball. And, um, I went to every single one of their games my freshman year because I missed the sport so much. I like. Played on an intermural team that that fresh my freshman year too, because I was like, I really do miss it, but they made it to the national championship that year. Like when I say they were good at volleyball, they're like very good at volleyball and um. So as I was being the spectator and just watching their success and feeling like I made a really bad decision to quit, I ended up reaching out to the coach, like after they got back from the national championship and um, I just told her my story and she invited me to come practice with the team, like in one of their off season practices. And I did not expect her. To respond like that or say yes. I honestly was just like, I'll just send this and see what happens. At least I could say I tried, but she said, yes, that's vulnerable to go back after quitting and trying again. Yeah, I don't know what, like what got into me, I don't know. It must have just been like, I, I do remember thinking like, if I don't do this now, like how am I ever going to know? Like at least this is just something like one step in the direction. Um, and at least. Uh, if she says no, then okay. That's, that's what it is. Yeah. And so how would you say, like, did you fall back in love with the game? Did it feel different? What was the pressure like now? Okay. So it was different because now it was my decision to, to go back and to kind of close the loop on this. Um, I went and practiced with the team and she called me into her office afterwards and was like, how do you feel like you did? And I was like, I don't know. I, how do you feel like I, because it doesn't really matter what I think. And she was like, well, you know, the girls all really love you. They say great things about you. I was friends with some of the girls on the team beforehand and, um. She was like, we wanna offer you a walk-on spot on the team. And so walk-on for, I mean, most listening know what that means, but you know, I'm not gonna get paid for anything. I have to, I'm not guaranteed any playing time. I got very little playing time, like, I, you gotta work for everything, all this. But I was so grateful to just be a part of this and I was like, I'll pay you to be a part. Like, I don't care. Um, and so I was just happy to be playing and on my own terms. Um, it obviously looked different. I wasn't like. It, you know, put into a starting role by any means. Like I, like I said, hardly ever played. But what was great about this program is that. It wasn't just the physical part of the game, it's where I actually started to learn a little bit about the mental side and learn that there's like more to the game to than just training the physical side. So we didn't have a sports psychologist on our staff, but she would always bring in resources around mental game or leadership, like all these other things. Um, and so yeah, it just kind of felt like now, now I had some strategies that, and I realized I was. Normal. And so I didn't have the pressure also of like college recruiting my parents' expectations. Like all these other people that thought I should be good. I was literally a nobody on this team. Um, which, you know, I think also helped me fall back in love with volleyball. Yeah. What a relief. Yeah. To just get to play. Exactly. Yeah. I feel like I wasn't, I wasn't performing for anybody else. I was playing because I wanted to be there, like, and that, that really changed everything. So I played for four years. Um, by the time I graduated, I knew that I wanted to coach, I wanted to help athletes. Um, I became a teacher. Um, as well to like kind of help, you know, in this field, but I became a high school coach right outta college. So that, and, and part of the reason was like, I don't want athletes to also have to be faced with this decision to quit in order to find peace. Yeah. And you have definitely done that. You've led your team to four state championships. Yeah. I mean, which is amazing. Okay. There's a lot that goes into that. But, um, you know, the, every one of those championships really has taught me the same lesson, the mental game. Is everything, like athletes who stay in sports and enjoy what they're doing aren't always the most talented, although I have very talented players on my teams, right? But they're the ones who also have the tools to manage the, the hard parts, the pressure, the mistakes, the fear of not being good enough, the comparison, all of that. And when I look back on my story, I realize like, I didn't need to quit volleyball. Like, yes, it's part of my story and it's led me to where I am now. And I, I wouldn't change it, right? But I just needed different tools. Exactly, and that's our whole mission, right? It's giving girls tools so they don't have to quit in order to survive. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Pressure doesn't mean that you should quit, and it means you need different skills. And that belief became my entire coaching career, and now it's what's weaved into everything with the elite competitor. So, whew. Okay. Got through our stories. I think I've told mine so many times that, you know, I, you don't talk about yours very often. I don't think I've ever talked about that. I mean, you and I, maybe you and I have talked about it, but I do not that I have ever shared that story probably with anybody that I can think of. Yes. And now you get to share it with the thousands of people who listen to our podcast, which is great. Go big. So yeah, here's why we're telling you all this day, why we're getting vulnerable with you. It's because I've said this already a couple times, but girls are quitting the sport at twice the rate of boys by age of 14. And the reason, the top reasons, um, aren't about access or opportunity, they're psychological. So fear of judgment, low confidence, anxiety, pressure, perform not feeling good enough, like. All of these things that Christina and I just talked about, these are skill gaps, not character flaws. Yeah. And the most. Programs that, that are out there in the girls' sports space, they're looking at access, body confidence, um, coach training, and these are all super, super critical. But the mental game is really what's missing. Mm-hmm. Yeah. And it feels taboo, I think for a lot of coaches too, and parents and, and people in this work, they're like, okay, mental game's important, but like, what, what do we do? And that's why we've built the elite competitor to address. This, right. We're giving girls, parents, and coaches the tools to navigate the mental and emotional challenges that make girls want to quit. Because when girls stay in sports, they don't just become better athletes, they become women who lead. Yeah. And you've probably seen the research, um, there's a study out there, I think it's by Ernst and Young and E-S-P-N-W, that 94% of C-suite women played sports. So girls who stay in sports longer have the potential to reach higher leadership levels. I think it's really important to also acknowledge that, um, the women that had a, that these women had access to play sports, so they got to play to start. And we know that access is a massive issue. Girls have 1.3 million fewer opportunities to play high school sports than boys. So we talk about keeping girls in sports. We're starting from the assumption that they actually have a place to play. Yeah, exactly. I'm glad you brought that up because access gets girls started, but mental performance keeps them playing. Both matter and they work together. Yeah, exactly. And this isn't just about athletics. When girls stand sports, they develop confidence, resilience, mental toughness, and all of these skills translate directly into leadership, whether that be college, their careers, their friendship, you know, across their whole life. So this is about building. The leadership pipeline for the whole next generation. Yeah. And we're not doing this work alone. Right. We're actively pursuing partnerships and brands and athletes and organizations who are also working to keep girls in sports. Right now we're having conversations with people in the play lane around access to sports and getting girls started, and we're also talking to partners in the stay lane, so focused on retention and mental performance, and we're building towards that lead lane. Yeah, so if you have any connections or you have ideas of partnerships in any of these areas, we would love, love, love to hear from you, and you can always email our team and email Bria and I at hello@elitecompetitor.com. Yeah, but here's the thing. We really want to land today. Whether you are a sports mom or a coach, or maybe you're an athlete listening, this mission requires all of us. It's not just on brands or athletes or organizations. It's on us, the adults and girls' lives, to give them the mental skills that they need to love their sport and stay in their sport. Yeah, because the research is really clear. Girls who play sports are more confident, more resilient, less anxious, less depressed. They have stronger co social connections, and they're really developing this leadership skill that's gonna carry them into college, their careers, their life, but they can only access those benefits if they stay. Yeah, so if you're a mom listening or a dad teach your daughter how to handle mistakes, how to manage comparison, how to talk to herself with kindness instead of criticism. Those are skills, and you can model them, and you can teach them. And if you're a coach, you're already teaching mental performance, whether you realize it or not. Every single time that you help an athlete reframe a mistake or recover from a tough game, they're building mental skills. So keep doing that. And if you need more tools, of course we've got you. Yeah. This is our responsibility, all of us, to give girls the skills to play with joy, to stay in the game, to lead with confidence. That's play, stay, lead. That's the mission, and that's why we built the elite competitor. And we're not just trying to help your daughter have a better season. We're really trying to change the TRA trajectory of her life. Yeah. So thank you for being here. Thank you for listening. Um, I'm sure many of you listening have similar stories, um, yourself and thank you so much for caring about this mission as much as we do. And if you do wanna be a part of this work, then reach out. If you know someone who needs to hear this, share this episode. And if you wanna go deeper on the mental game, check out the elite mental game for athletes raising elite competitors for moms. Coach her game for coaches. We've got lots of things for lots of different people now. We're cheering for you always, and we can't wait to share more with you next week.