Speaker 1: 1:12

Welcome back to the Raising Elite Competitors podcast. I'm Coach Brie, a mental performance coach for girl athletes, and I'm so excited that you are here. Today we have a special episode with Mary Van Geffen. I'm going to talk all about who this amazing person is, but first I want to give a shout out to the sponsor of today's episode, the Elite Mental Game. If your daughter struggles with confidence, overthinks after mistakes or lets pressure get the best of her in games, she doesn't need more training or physical reps. She needs mental training. The Elite Mental Game is our signature step-by-step program designed specifically for girl athletes to help them play with confidence, bounce back from mistakes and perform their best without the mental blocks holding them back. It's not just for athletes who struggle, though. It's also for those who want an edge, the ones who want to stand out, rise to the occasion and perform their best when the pressure is on. And because you're one of our podcast listeners, we do have a special discount just for you on the Elite Mental Game. So head to elitecompetitorcom forward slash EMG to learn more and grab that special discount just for podcast listeners. All right, today's episode I am really excited about. Like I said, mary Van Geffen is joining us. We're talking all about parenting the spicy one navigating the sports journey with your strong-willed athletes, so we're gonna talk all about in the episode about what a spicy one is. It's a term and a type of kiddo that Mary Van Geffen has identified as somebody who is strong-willed, knows what they want, competitive marches to the beat of their own drum. If this is at all sounding familiar, then you're really going to love this episode.

Speaker 1: 2:51

Now Mary is the international parenting coach for moms of spicy ones. She helps people who are highly competent in life but overwhelmed by motherhood lean into the spiritual discipline of staying calm and cultivating warmth and tenderness, all while trying to wrangle fiery future CEOs. Often this requires serious skill building and the balm of self-compassion. Mary has a ministry on Instagram where she posts an inspiring parenting tip every single day. Just reading her social media will help you delight in your child and remember that they are enough. Mary believes that when a mom realizes how hard she is on herself and cracks the door for some self compassion, her entire family is bathed in light. She offers online parenting classes and her signature eight week group program, moms of Spicy Ones, to help moms gain the confidence to choose gentle, respectful parenting, especially if they weren't raised that way. And, side note, I am going to be joining her in her eight-week group program Moms of Spicy Ones, because I have a spicy one at home and I need all the help that I can get.

Speaker 1: 3:48

So in this episode we're specifically talking about what is a spicy one, how can parents identify if their kid is spicy or not, what some common challenges are that parents face when raising a spicy child in sports, and how we can approach these challenges effectively. We know that spicy ones often have big emotions. They have opinions on what they want and what they don't want. So we're talking all about how to navigate that. How do we deal with that as a parent? So we really go into a lot and excited for you to listen. Now one more thing. Before we do.

Speaker 1: 4:17

I also want to give a shout out to a mom in our community. Her name is Jamie. She posted this in our group the other day, our private group for sports moms going through the elite mental game. She said yesterday was the first tournament ever where the car ride home was enjoyable. My daughter is really embracing her fresh start and being a good teammate. From that mantra she developed in her season Power Up and what I love about this and it's going to hit on what we talk about today is that those interactions with our kids matter.

Speaker 1: 4:44

The car ride home, the car ride to the tournament, processing what happened, processing what's about to happen. They can be moments of stress and really where the whole sports parenting journey can be the most difficult. So, jamie, super proud of you for changing your approach a little bit, and also for your daughter, who is implementing the skills that she's learning inside EMG. All right, moms, let's get into it. How we can help our spicy ones thrive in this world, how we can navigate parenting that strong-willed athlete, just by changing our approach a little bit. I know you're going to enjoy this episode as much as I enjoyed sitting down with Mary. All right, mary, welcome to the Raising Elite Competitors podcast.

Speaker 2: 5:23

Thank you, Brianne.

Speaker 1: 5:25

Super excited to have you. I was just talking offline about how we found you and that my sister-in-law and I, who run our company together, both have spicy kiddos in our lives, and so that's how we stumbled across your content and you're going to be in my moms of spicy ones, course. I'm so excited, moms of spicy ones, and the quiz that you put out came back. That also, I'm spicy and Christina is.

Speaker 2: 5:48

I believe it.

Speaker 1: 5:49

Okay, that's great.

Speaker 2: 5:49

I think every entrepreneur has to be kind of a spicy one to make it happen.

Speaker 1: 5:54

Yeah, I think you're right. I think you're right, so I'm excited about what we're going to learn. But I also automatically thought you would be great to bring into our community, because I hear a lot from moms about their strong-willed athletes who, you know, want it their way, and nothing that mom is saying is landing or it's landing the wrong way. That mom is saying is landing or it's landing the wrong way. So I thought you would be a great person to talk to this. Just kind of this phenomenon and what a spicy one is. So, backing up, some of you were like what is a spicy one? Let's just talk first about who you are and what you do, and then we'll get into all the other details.

Speaker 2: 6:31

Okay, well, I'm the parent coach for the spicy ones, and when I say that I mean the child, but I could also mean the adult. And a spicy one is basically the activist, the rebel, the world changer, the athlete. Those are amazing adults that change the world, but they're really hard to control. They tend to have, as a child, more loyalty to their own soul and what they want than your adult agenda, and so it's a different parenting journey to parent a spicy one, and there's different ways to describe a spicy one, because some of it is about the inherent temperament of that child, but it's also about some of the stuff that the mom is bringing, like what is her need for control? Is it high? What is her tolerance for chaos and pushback? And how strongly does she need peace? How sensitive is she to stimulation and things kind of coming at her that could make a child feel like a spicy one to her? That when someone else is babysitting, they'd be like no, this kid's a dream, right. So it takes two to make a spicy one, and when I talk about spicy ones as children, these are the kids that feel things so intensely. They express themselves with intense emotional outbursts, and that can be rage, or it can be joyful screaming. But whatever they're feeling, everyone's going to feel, because it's pretty contagious and they choose to be completely true to themselves, not others. And they possess a fierce drive for independence and doing it their way, which is why they make amazing high-performance athletes.

Speaker 2: 8:05

They are not afraid to take up space and disappoint others, but they also feel outsized shame when they are corrected or when they lose or when things don't go their way. And they can have a great zest for life, or they can be the biggest complainers that are always letting you know that you're falling short and this lack of contentment, which that's me as well. And they often test as gifted in one way and completely deficient in another. They can be neurodivergent like have ADHD or OCD, or be autistic, but they don't have to be.

Speaker 2: 8:41

My daughter was a spicy one and is very neurotypical. When she was little, I was trying to get her diagnosed with something because I did not know how to get her to do. I grew up in a culture of first-time compliance and that just was not happening with this child, of first-time compliance, and that just was not happening with this child. So the other thing about spicy ones is they default to brutal honesty and can really like cut you down with their words, but they can also say the most beautiful, profound things that make you think they're 30 years older than they actually are. They powerfully negotiate with adults until the point where they realize you're not going to flex and then they melt down. Is any of this sound like your kid?

Speaker 1: 9:20

Yeah, honestly, it sounds a lot more like Caden Christina's son, everything you're talking about. I'm like, oh yeah, that's Caden, my son's three. So I do see that, but I definitely see it a little bit older too.

Speaker 2: 9:31

Well and little secret, I think every two-year-old or beginning three-year-old is a spicy one, because they're just developing a sense of self right, and every teenager is a spicy one.

Speaker 2: 9:41

What I find with the folks that go through my Moms are Spicy Ones eight-week program is that once they get sort of the mental toughness almost and the self-compassion and the skills to handle a really strong-willed, intense child, they find later on that teenagehood is a breeze, like we don't have to like, just you wait, you don't have to wait when you have figured out how to be in a relationship with a really mercurial, powerful person. Once they become a teenager you're like, yeah, it's business as usual. It's the people who had mild, easy, go with the flow kids who really struggle when they become teenagers.

Speaker 1: 10:18

Yeah, okay, that's really great and very interesting that you brought up also earlier on about the temperament of the mom, and that I mean how that plays a huge role, because there could be a lot going on here. Moms that are like, oh my gosh, spicy one, while, like you know, but that's mostly because of their own temperament as well. I am curious because your daughter is an adult now, right, so you've been through all of it.

Speaker 2: 10:41

I mean, is a 20 year old, an adult? She? Turned 21 in September. She's second year of college. She is definitely like my biggest success story, my greatest masterpiece, if I get to take any credit for her. But yeah, I guess she's a young adult. Okay, well, she's a young adult, okay.

Speaker 1: 10:58

Well, she's further along than most of the kids that are listening to this podcast and I am curious how these traits are popping up. Like I can see it, you know, when you're talking about the younger spicy ones, but we have listeners who have kids aged between about 12 to 18. So how do you see these manifesting, these characteristics manifesting themselves in kids? Of that, I know 12 to 18 is kind of a large range. There's a lot that happens between 12 and 18, but what do you start to see in the teen and preteen years?

Speaker 2: 11:27

Well, it kind of depends if they have had what kind of influence and teaching they've had as they've been growing up. Right, if they've been being screamed at and mom goes to attend, the same time the kid's going to attend. They're going to have different coping skills than somebody whose parent has done the hard work to stay grounded and working on her self-regulation as her kid is losing it. So it's all over the map, but I think a spicy one who is a teenager is going to still be struggling with self-regulation. But some of that is what happens to a brain in adolescence, right, you suddenly get adults. It's like renovation If it starts in the kitchen but it hasn't reached the bathroom yet.

Speaker 2: 12:10

It's the same with the human brain. They get these adult-sized emotions, the capacity to feel things at the same intensity and depth that we do without adult-sized breaks and rational and logic and all that. So it's a time of great ups and downs and so it becomes even more important for the parent to find that, just like that beautiful metaphor of like your kid is going to get on the roller coaster and your job is not to join them on the roller coaster, you just check that safety bar, which they're going to check as well and let them go up and do the loop-de-loos and come on back down. You have to stay on the platform.

Speaker 2: 12:53

I think part of what makes a spicy one a great athlete is there's a lot of hyper-focus and inflexibility. That can also be great persistence, right. When they're so persistent, they keep at something, although there's a lot of spicy ones that if they try something and they're not immediately good at it, they won't do it. So sometimes when they're getting coached to like maybe change their swing or try this new thing, there's resistance Cause it's like no.

Speaker 1: 13:22

I don't know how to do that and there's like a fear of getting it wrong. Yeah, okay, you're speaking to a lot of things that come up in our community too, and I know you also mentioned, like I think all teens are potentially spicy, so I think we're seeing a lot of it just because of, like what you said, the development of the adolescent brain and all the things that are happening. You know, significantly during that time we didn't even talk about hormones and sexual like urges coming in.

Speaker 1: 13:42

Yeah, there's that too. Do you want to talk about that? How does that play into all of it?

Speaker 2: 13:51

I mean their focus cannot be on maybe the things we want it to be on, because a whole new world, like cue, that song, that Disney song, is like opening up to them. You know the pheromones, man, and just like estrogen and testosterone, and things are happening in their body that like it's really a messy time. I mean it's like a caterpillar in their goo in the metamorphosis, and we can sometimes not notice that from the outside. They can seem like they've got it together, but they really are going through a complete infrastructure.

Speaker 1: 14:22

Yeah, gosh, okay. So let's talk about. I'm just going to give you some like scenarios.

Speaker 1: 14:28

I know I'm going off script here, so one of the common ones, I guess let's start with the one that you actually brought up the feedback line. You know they're being asked to do something new or different or they're getting some sort of feedback from their coach, and that tends to be an issue for some athletes, and some parents are like I don't know how to help them. They don't even want to try it anymore, they don't want to do the new thing, they don't want to look dumb, they don't want to look stupid. How do we help navigate that?

Speaker 2: 14:59

In my brain comes up like two different pathways. Like, are we talking about just resistance and some fear? Are we talking about anxiety? They're kind of different animals. If it's just resistance and fear, sometimes we as adults want to kind of resist their reaction and that just creates more resistance. So I think it's us. It's almost like I call it emotional jujitsu. Like they kind of go to punch like no, and we just need to step out of the way and let all their energy go right past us.

Speaker 2: 15:32

Don't take on fixing this thing. So if the coach is saying you know, I want you for the next week. You're not going to use your dominant hand. I'm making up stuff because I'm not a performance athlete and they're telling you like this is so stupid, I don't want to do it. Do not make yourself in charge of like it's great when you have outside people speaking into your spicy one and managing that. You don't need to get in there and be like hey coach said use your dominant hand instead. Be the the cheerleader. Like yeah, that is hard man, maybe you just shouldn't do it.

Speaker 2: 16:06

I mean, try it really, kind of like joining them for a little bit because we can have our heart broken and survive so much If we just have somebody who'll sit in the muck with us a little bit and we don't feel alone. But then when it kind of veers into anxiety and you're like, no, no, they're getting in, like there's a full block here. I think it's interesting that sometimes it just helps to go You're fine, you're okay. And it's so funny I would tell you, don't you ever say you're okay to a little kid? That falls down because you don't know if they're okay and they need to figure out their feelings. But when someone's in a full anxiety, their heart rate is going faster and they're like I can't do this.

Speaker 2: 16:44

Sometimes you need somebody you trust, who is grounded, who is breathing themselves, who says you're okay, you can do this. And you, as the mom or dad holding on to the idea that when they get through this trial which seems like, oh, I wish the coach wouldn't do this, you almost want it to be gone right. When they get through it to the other side, even if they suffer the whole time, even if it doesn't work out for them, they're building this beautiful grit and resilience that's mental versus. You know, they're building a lot of that physically and emotionally right. This struggle has meaning and I think you holding that and being okay with it. So when they look to you, you're not gritting your teeth and your eyes are wide open, sending nonverbal signals that you're also worried. You have to be okay to help them be okay. Yeah, where else should we go with that?

Speaker 1: 17:35

I mean that's great you talked about. You hit on all of the major things, and I know you keep coming back to the regulation of our own selves. That's something we actually talk about in our program too. There's. The whole half of it is for parents themselves and, like you know what are your skills, that you have to ground yourself in these moments, and so you've mentioned it a few times. Can you just lean into that, like, what are some self-regulation skills that we can, as parents of spicy ones, be practicing now? So that, yes, sure.

Speaker 2: 18:03

And I teach. I also teach a class called calm class. It's like 60 minutes of how to be the calmest one in the room, because I think to be a great leader you have to be the calmest person in the room and you get to flare up, but you got to come back right. Nobody has to be like mother Teresa walking on water. It's okay to have your moments, but don't have them at your kid. Go kind of process that adult stuff on your own. But I would think the number one way to become a more grounded, calmer parent is to lean into a conscious pause. And it sounds like so obvious, like yeah, yeah, I know, tell me what to do after the pause. But no, none of it works unless you will begin to practice pausing between the stimulus and your response. So your daughter rolls her eyes at you and there's an immediate flare up in your body. And if you're like me, you've got a little mini monster that says how dare her that little right Just sitting with that for a moment, noticing dispassionately, observing what just took place. Oh, wow, she did a disrespectful thing and I my body is getting overheated by that. Huh, I don't like when she rolls her eyes and just pausing, giving yourself 30 seconds to three minutes to notice the impact of the thing that just happened, rather than just emitting whatever response was done to you when you were little that now just comes out automatically. So pausing is everything. And then there's things we can add and overlay onto that pause, because a lot of us need something to do. Don't tell me to just sit there and do nothing. I need to nip this in the bud. But all great teaching doesn't happen when your child is inflamed or in fight or flight, are overwhelmed, like they're not learning anything, so you're not missing out.

Speaker 2: 19:54

I like to think of going like full sloth mom. Like how does a sloth respond to disrespect to an upset child? I mean, there's so many things our teenagers can do to news that they want to spend the night at their boyfriend's, like whatever we're hearing. Slow everything down and imagine that sloth at the DMV in Zootopia who's like oh, you need to have a. Like just start to speak so slowly, to the point you might annoy your child, and that's totally fine.

Speaker 2: 22:00

We like that You're going to lower your customer service levels so that your right brain and I don't mean right versus left, I mean like your prefrontal cortex can come back online and be the boss of you because that flare up that oh, how dare they? Or that fear is not your most sentient way of being and it's not the seat of your great intelligence, so sometimes we need to just give ourselves time. So thinking about being the sloth mom helps and then doing something physical is that maybe you do a 10 second exhale and you just count it out and your kid's like I asked you if I can have the keys and you're like, oh, hold on a second please. And it's like take care of you first before you respond and you will like reduce your conflict and the things you feel guilty about in half.

Speaker 1: 22:53

Yes, yeah, okay, that's great advice, I mean. So you're saying there's a lot that we can do just on our own that will help our kids, and what is the desired result of that? Like, with us being grounded, what are we hoping to see?

Speaker 2: 23:09

Well, first of all, there's like mirror neurons that are going on in both our bodies.

Speaker 2: 23:14

So when they say something upsetting and their face is inflamed and you meet them there, you guys are just like pinging off of each other. So you want to use your body as your greatest parenting tool to get it as calm and grounded, because you're actually the more powerful one. Sometimes we give our power over to a teenager. They might be the louder one, the more dramatic one, but you have so much positional power because you're the one that kept them alive and their whole system knows that right. So they are even subconsciously looking to you to know if they're okay. So you being okay send so much signals to them and helps, give them space to calm down or to safely off gas, if that's what they need.

Speaker 2: 23:57

And when you are calm and you allow yourself that conscious pause, then you can make the next choice, which is, like I want to remind you not to speak to me that way. I don't respond to that. Or who are you talking to right now? Do you want to try that again? Finding your response just means that you're leading, and when you lead, so many great things can happen that aren't possible when you're just reacting to this immature person who has no experience on earth.

Speaker 1: 24:25

Yeah, okay, yeah, that's really great. The thing that keeps popping up into my head and Christina and I always joke about this that like one day we're going to be so happy that our spicy one is like this you know, they're going to stand up for themselves, they're not going to be people pleasers, they're going to be the world changers and all of this, and so that we like keep this hope in our mind of like, yeah, that's, you know, that's what's going to be like the result of this. But when we're in the thick of it, like, how do we balance this? Because, and when I one example like sports-wise I've had, I've coached players like this and I hear this from time to time from moms but players who get really fiery on the court and potentially a little disrespectful, like to coaches or, yeah, coaches but also like refs.

Speaker 1: 25:08

So I had a player who I mean amazing and I'm happy that she stood up for herself and she's advocating, but the way that she goes about it is like that was a terrible call and she's, like you know, yelling at the ref and it's like okay, yeah, good. But so how do we strike this balance? I guess what I'm trying to say, like we want to encourage them to, you know, be themselves, lean into who they are and what they believe in, but also like, be respectful and not have this stigma of like them being like the problem kid on the team or in the class and all of that Kind of a loaded question. Yeah, lots of thoughts there.

Speaker 2: 25:41

One of them is like sometimes we can't protect our spicy one from being the bad guy and they are experiential learners, so they're going to burn a lot of bridges and I think we have to kind of get. I'm like, I'm making a, I'm sighing here because we don't want that for them. We want to protect them from being the problem on the team or from getting the red card. That didn't need to happen and yet that's how they learn. Like we can say hey, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. We can give lots of speeches and we should, but I think we'll find that this kid's got a rocky journey ahead of them.

Speaker 2: 26:20

And I didn't make it into a single sorority. I wanted to be in because I trash talked about I was going to be the best lacrosse player at University of Delaware Newsflash. I was not the best lacrosse player and even if I was, I alienated a lot of women by talking that way. I don't know if I would have learned that if I didn't not get into any sorority and cried myself to sleep for two days, people could have given me a speech about it. Another job I got fired from and it felt so unjust. And now I look back I'm like no, I wasn't pulling my weight. I had a bad attitude, but I needed that to happen. So I guess I just want to take some of the weight off of parents' shoulders to be the only one teaching them. The world is going to be teaching them, and their journey is a lot of zigzagging. It's not a straight line, but guess what? Neither was yours. You didn't do everything perfectly either, and you can't protect them from doing that. So that's one thought.

Speaker 2: 27:15

The other thought is do not undercount the power of your role modeling and the way you live your life. They are watching that. So are you screaming at people in the car when they cut in front of you? Are you cursing? Make your process visible to them. Let them know like oh, that cashier really pissed me off, so I'm going to breathe. I'm going to excuse me a moment. I'm just going to exhale and squeeze my fists together Cause I didn't, and you know I'm going to squeeze and release, like begin to let them see your process of calming down. That would be my second point.

Speaker 2: 27:51

And then number three give them the Spider-Man speech, which is like with great power comes great responsibility, and you have been gifted with a great talent and a great charisma and a leadership, and I am going to keep asking you to figure out how to use that power for good. And that looks like modeling respect for your teammates and telling them about the conscious pause and being a person who makes people feel better for having been with them, who helps people be their best selves, and that does not come from cutting people down or being disrespectful, and I'll say that with a caveat. You can say all that but their body, I think spicy ones. We don't go into freeze or appease when we're untriggered. We go into fight and sometimes flight, and so there's not a lot you can do to overcome kind of how they are. The world is going to ping them a bunch that they're going to start to realize it and your example is, and the peers that they're around have a big impact to that. How's that landing for you?

Speaker 1: 28:58

Yeah, I mean the first thing that you said, I automatically had like a kind of a relief. I'm like okay, yeah, Like the world, it's okay for the world to teach them lessons and the red cards, and you know the consequences that come with speaking disrespectful to coaches and like they're going to learn that and that and we need to take ourselves out of the process Like are.

Speaker 2: 29:23

are we upset by that because we want the best for?

Speaker 2: 29:25

them or because we're worried about what it looks like about us. And if it, if it's about like Ooh, does everyone think I'm the kind of parent that would allow that? Guess what? It doesn't matter what you allow, the spicy one, I mean. I snuck out of my house so many times. I wasn't allowed to. I had no reflection on my mother and I just think we have to kind of separate out what part of it is us worried about, what other people will think of us, and very good moms can have very struggling, disobedient children.

Speaker 1: 29:51

Yeah, okay. I think that we need to make that louder for the people in the back, and I see that a lot in athletics too, because there's a lot of like ego and athletics and there's a lot of like you know, wanting to live out your dreams with. You know, if you were a college athlete and now you're there's just a lot. It's like that's a little me out there and it just feels like everything is coming back as a reflection on you.

Speaker 2: 30:15

So you're saying it's a chance to do it over again.

Speaker 1: 30:17

But better as a reflection on you. So you're saying it's a chance to do it over again. But better so their success or lack of, or, you're saying, is not necessarily a reflection of us.

Speaker 2: 30:32

It is not. It's what is a reflection on you is how you show up to the job of parenting and being your kid's biggest fan, like being aware of what you have influence over and what you have control over and what you have control over and there are two totally different circles, right, and you can't control another human being's behavior. You can influence them, you can have rules at home, you can reinforce things, but you have to let go of having your identity be wrapped up in the success or failure of this separate human from you.

Speaker 1: 31:00

Yeah, okay, this is all really good. This is like therapy. Very good, this is great. I can't wait to learn more in your course and I'll let you talk about that in a second. But you've talked about a lot, but if you were to kind of distill down to just your, your best piece of advice and wisdom for moms of spicy teens?

Speaker 2: 31:21

What would that be? Oh, that's easy. For me it would be. Other people can teach them life skills. Other people can teach them how to make their bed every day or how to play really good man-on-man defense, but there's only one person, maybe two in their life, whose main job is to delight in them. And that is your main job. Is how do you do the work so that you can delight in this child and love them for who they are right now, warts and all, because that is what they most need from you? The way you see them is the way that they will eventually see themselves, until they go to therapy and work off some of the drama. Right, so I can see that making you a little emotional. What happens?

Speaker 1: 32:07

I know I'm like starting to cry a little bit here, yeah, yeah, I mean because it's true and I think we get, like you know, a lot of different thoughts in our heads about like, what our role is and really distilling it down to enjoying them, delighting in them being the biggest mirrors of who they are, I mean yeah.

Speaker 2: 32:29

Yeah, Because they go out in the world and it becomes conditional Like ah, number one athlete, we love them. Oh boo, what a bad game. It will all be conditional out in the world. So we need to find our way to unconditionally delight in them and that starts a little bit and you'll learn this in moms of spicy ones group and delighting in yourself, because it's really hard to cheerlead your child if you are booing at yourself. So there's some self-work here to do to find self-compassion for where you feel like you've messed up, and I think that's the starting place. Like sometimes you'll be like what do I say to my kid? I'm like I don't care what you say to your kid. Let's start with what you're saying to yourself.

Speaker 1: 33:11

Yeah, I'm writing that down. It's really hard to cheerlead for your kid if you're booing at yourself. Yeah, okay, that's great. Okay, will you talk more? About you know where people can find you, the resources, that you have, a lot of resources. You know free, paid, like all the things. Can you just give us a rundown? Yeah?

Speaker 2: 33:30

girl. Thanks for asking. So my website's maryvangeffencom like driving van with two Fs andcom like driving van with two F's, and coming up in February is kind class and that is sort of gentle parenting 101 for those who were not raised with tenderness, and it's just four discipline techniques that are more effective than yelling, punishing, bribing. And so that's happening in February. Live, because once a year I will think that's February 8th. I don't know if this podcast will be out in time Right around there. Okay, there's a recording.

Speaker 2: 34:05

But my big signature course is Moms of Spicy Ones. It's an eight-week group coaching course where once a week I get on a call with you and we kind of dive into the curriculum which you get in these prerecorded videos and I coach people and you get an accountability partner and there's a private Instagram page. They're helping you figure out how do you delight in a difficult child and connect with them in a way to have the most influence on them that you can. And I'm so excited you're going to be in it, chris. I called you Brianne but it says Christina.

Speaker 1: 34:38

Oh yeah, no, I'm Brianne. Sorry Okay, just sorry Okay. What age of kid or mom is that?

Speaker 2: 34:47

for it's from two to 18, because we have some special bonus teen stuff that's available during that eight weeks.

Speaker 1: 34:54

Okay, okay, awesome. Yeah, I'm really looking forward to that. Well, mary, thank you so much for just all of the wisdom, the reassurance, but also just little mindset shifts that we can be making for those of us that do have spicy ones at home, especially spicy athletes. So I know I have been really encouraged by what you shared today, and I know our community will be too. So thank you.

Speaker 2: 35:15

Oh good, it was a pleasure. I'm so glad we know each other now. Yeah,