Speaker 1 1:34

Welcome back to the Raising Elite Competitors podcast. I'm Coach Brie, a mental performance coach for girl athletes, and I am so excited that you're here. This is a little bit of a different week on the podcast because we are gearing up for our what to Say Challenge for Sports Moms happening Monday December 9th through Thursday December 12th. So if you aren't already registered, make sure that you get registered. It's at elitecompetitor forward slash say. We are running the challenge completely free as part of our cyber Monday special that we've just extended for the whole week, so make sure you register. All next week We'll be dropping episodes that are short, tangible. We're offering scripts and strategies on what to say to build confidence in your athlete daughter before, during and after she competes. It's a really fun week. We do this challenge about once or twice a year and now we're doing it in a little bit of a different way. We're sending these episodes just straight to your podcast player, so it's really easy for you to access on the go and then, when you register, you also are included in all of the giveaways and the prizes and the fun things that we have going on during our challenge weeks. Make sure that you are registered as our challenge weeks. Make sure that you are registered.

Speaker 1 2:37

As we lead up to the challenge, I've been dropping episodes, including some of our quick wins. So this is quick win number two, something that you can say to your athlete daughter to build her confidence today. This is one of the simplest things, one of the simplest phrases that works. It just works, and we'll get into why it does, but here's what it is. You're going to start to use the phrase I believe you with your athlete daughter. I believe you write that down, put it in your back pocket, write it down for those of you that are following along on your blueprint because you registered. You can write that down on your blueprint. This is a really simple yet powerful way to validate your daughter's experience and her feelings, which is one of the key components of confidence.

Speaker 1 3:21

Confidence at its core is self-trust. When our daughters trust themselves, our athletes trust themselves. That is confidence, and so a lot of times, athletes will come to you. Your daughter will come to you and just say something like I'm the worst one on the team, or that was a terrible practice, or this happened, or that happened and it was awful, and our initial response, for good reason, is to want to fix it, to want to assure her, to want to tell her, hey, don't say that or don't think that or no, this is how it is. Not that We'll get into this in the challenge, but what we're actually doing in those moments is we're really not validating or recognizing her experience at all, because her experience is her experience.

Speaker 1 4:02

She is confident that she feels right now disappointed, frustrated, angry, mad, whatever it is that she is feeling. And when we're trying to kind of change it and get her to believe something different and get her to get positive because she could only be positive around us that's when she starts to pull away. That's when she starts to question herself around us. That's when she starts to pull away. That's when she starts to question herself. And so, if we can pause and use this phrase, I believe you, it is a game changer when it comes to how she's responding and it's one of the phrases that will allow her to open up, to share more with you, to process her emotions faster and get over them faster. Okay, it validates, without agreeing to negative self-talk. Okay, it reinforces that her emotions are real and valid, which also helps her move through them and process them. It shows empathy and builds trust in your relationship with her. Okay, and so when we can do this in these examples, we are just very subtly reaffirming her confidence in herself. Okay, this is a confidence building strategy.

Speaker 1 5:01

Let's talk about some scenarios where you can use this. Okay, so she comes to you and is like that was a terrible practice, I played. Awful it was, it just wasn't good. Now your response might be in the past it probably wasn't as bad as you think it is. Or like what happened, da da da. And saying what happened isn't necessarily a bad thing if she's continuing to share with you. But instead of trying to tell her well, probably wasn't so bad. Or you're just blowing this out of proportion if we just pause and say I believe you. That's your response, I believe you. Okay, that is validating. Like what she is. What she's experiencing that moment is something that you see. Validating like what she is. What she's experiencing that moment is something that you see and that you see as real, as part of her experience.

Speaker 1 5:42

Okay, how about? How about this one? I'm the worst one on the team, I'm terrible, kind of these like negative self-talk experiences. Now I want to be really clear here. We're not agreeing with her that she is terrible and she is the worst one on the team. How we can use it in these situations is I believe you that is a tough feeling. Another thing that you'll learn through the challenge. Another back pocket phrase is you and I both know that's not true. You're not really the worst one on the team, but I believe you that's a tough feeling. I believe you that that would be really hard to feel like that.

Speaker 1 6:19

Okay, what to expect from this? It might feel awkward and she might react with surprise. A lot of parents that try this. You know, when they're just talking about my daughter saying just anything about her teammates or her something that happened even outside of her sport, she'll just stop on her tracks and be surprised a little bit. But then it also creates a sense of relief. A lot of moms are saying like then she just continues on talking and normally she would just shut down, by the way, that I would normally respond to her. Okay, so try it out this weekend. If you're listening to this on the weekend, especially during like big tournaments or emotionally charged situations, notice how it shifts her reaction. Notice how it shifts her emotional state, how it shifts her reaction. Notice how it shifts her emotional state. Hey, find ways where you can just infuse that, instead of trying to like fix the problem, just telling her like, yeah, I believe you, I believe you that what you're experiencing right now is tough, frustrating, disappointing, whatever it is. I believe you add that to your vocabulary.

Speaker 1 7:17

All right, I'm excited to get officially going with what to say challenge on the podcast next week. Make sure that you register at elite competitorcom forward slash say. When you do register, you will get a confirmation page with all the information about the challenge, all the giveaways that we're doing. Next week We've got a bingo challenge going on. We also have a scholarship application available for the elite mental game, which is our signature self-paced mental training program for girl athletes. It's transformed the mental game of over 3,500 athletes to date who have taken the program, and so we have an opportunity for you to apply for a free spot inside EMG. It's not a needs-based scholarship, it's just a scholarship to let us know who has interest in it, but the application is available for those that are registered for the what to Say Challenge. All right, moms, tune back in for quick win number three and then I will see you inside the what to Say Challenge.