1:12

Welcome back to the Raising Unstoppable Girl Athletes Podcast. I'm Coach Brie, an elite competitor coach for female athletes, and I am so glad that you're here. Whether you are just getting started on this sports journey with your athlete daughter, or you've got lots of seasons under your belt or somewhere in between, this podcast is for you to help you know how to help your daughter, build confidence, play to her potential, and also for you to enjoy this sports journey along. Today we have a very special episode. I am interviewing a mom and an athlete from our community. So in a second you are going to hear it from Courtney and Danica Danica is a volleyball player. She is 15. And her mom, Courtney and Danica, and actually their other daughter, Callie, just went through the elite competitor program, which is our signature mental training program for female athletes and their parents. And you get to hear. Their perspective of some of the key takeaways, what they've learned, how Danica has transformed her mindset and how that's played out in her sport, but also in her life. We also talked about this idea of investment and how anything that we prioritize in our life is an investment of time of money, of, of resources, of attention, of focus. And how Courtney described this investment as something that is actually paid off for her and for her daughters, not only in the short term, in their mental game and how they're utilizing their physical training, but also in the longterm of their development as human beings. So I'm excited for you to. Kind of hear that perspective of what this investment can actually do for your daughters and how it can pay off for them. Before we jump into this episode, I do want to share a shout out from a mom in our community. So Charlotte posted something pretty awesome inside our private group for moms of athletes going through the competitor program, she said this. She said, my daughter made the U 14 national, New Jersey girls lacrosse team during the break between tryouts and call back announcements. She shared, she was upset. Girls weren't passing to her as much. I reminded her to focus on what she could control her attitude, hustle, creating opportunities for herself, leading the offense, motivating others and not on what she couldn't tell her to have fun, trust her training. And regardless of what happened that I loved her. She made the final callbacks within the final scrimmage evils. We got the email today. I made the team. Thank you again for all your coaching. I know I wouldn't have said these things and she wouldn't have responded well, 10 weeks ago. Now what's really cool about this is there's two parts of this, right? Charlotte was able to really be intentional with what she told her daughter in that moment. That was a key pivotal moment where her daughter was upset. And we actually teach a framework inside the leaky predator program and give scripts on what to say in those moments. And then also her daughter, because she is doing the work on her mental game. And was able to receive that from her mom and the result was pretty great. So good job to both of you. I'm proud of the progress that you're making and obviously celebrating over here, along with you that your daughter made the team. All right, let's go ahead and jump into this episode with Courtney and Danica. I hope you enjoy it as much as I enjoyed chatting with them.

Breanne 4:23

Hello, Courtney and Danica. Welcome to the Raising Unstoppable Girl Athletes Podcast. Hello. Hi. So happy to have both of you here. This is a really special interview because you both have been just so active in doing awesome inside the Elite competitor program. And of course, Callie. So Callie's not with us, but there's, there's also another, another daughter in the mix. So I'm gonna first have you both introduce yourselves and then we're gonna get going. So let's start with Danica. You get to go first. Danica, can you tell us your age, what you play?

Dannika 4:57

My name is Danica. I'm 15 and I just play volleyball.

Breanne 5:01

Nice. Yes. You found the love. I did too. Volleyball is the best. Okay. And then, Courtney, you don't mean to tell us your age or anything, but thank goodness how many, how many athletes do you have? You know, kind of, kind of tell us the, the landscape. Of what sports your daughters play? Sure.

Kourtney 5:18

we actually have five kids between the two of us. My husband both are on our second marriage and so we have a blended household of five kids. We have some archers we have some volleyball players and we have a baseball player, so we have a lot of different sports in our house. Okay.

Breanne 5:33

You got a lot, did I tell you that I actually coached archery for like five years. Oh my

Kourtney 5:37

gosh. No, you did not. I

Breanne 5:39

didn't. I always find it to be such a small world when I'm like anyone, I kind, it kind of like fell into my lap. That's the story for another time. But I'm always like anyone else, like archery, anyone. And yeah, so

Kourtney 5:51

we've been, we've been trying to get Danica to try it because she's really, really, really spot on when she shoots. And so we're like, you should try it. You could probably go to a couple tournaments during volleyball, but. She's not in it, she's not having it. It's

Breanne 6:04

fun. It, it is really fun. I'm not sure I was a great coach though, because I was like, oh, you missed left. Go ahead and just aim right next time. Try.

Kourtney 6:13

I'm not gonna let my husband hear this conversation because he actually coaches as well, so I'm not gonna let him hear

Breanne 6:19

that. Oh yeah, no. I'm like, well, this coaching thing is easy. Just aim the other direction that you missed.

Dannika 6:25

That's

Breanne 6:25

how it works in volume, right? Yeah, that too. Yeah. Oh, you hit out. Just fit in next time. That's how it works. Okay. All right. Well we get, we have a lot to talk about and I'm really excited because you both have such an awesome story and just your experience inside the program that I've been able to get glimmers of has been really inspiring. So I first wanna kick this off. Courtney, you actually said something in one of our webinars recently that I thought was super spot on and I, I just wanna kick it off with this. So Courtney, you said, I don't know if you know, if you remember that you said this, but you wrote a comment that said, as a parent of two girls that play club and school volleyball, I have spent. $4 signs on physical training. Yes, this is worth so much more. I have been watching the Elite competitor for two years with the payment options. We're all in, not looking back. So much progress made in the first few weeks and I wanna bring that up because the investment of really anything, but especially a program where there's an investment of time, a focus of resources, of energy, of money. You know, there's an investment there. So for you, what made this investment worth it?

Kourtney 7:38

I know one of the things that we talked about at one point in time was that I, I wanna be a cycle breaker. I grew in a, I grew up in a household where my grandma raised me, my parents weren't around and my grandma raised me. And I'm fairly certain that I could have saved the world and she would've told me I did it wrong. So it's really important to change things for my girls. And one of the things that you said early on, or that I heard you say early on was you were talking about, you know, the next time your daughter comes to you with a test and she gets a 98 and you know, and you go, oh my gosh, I'm so proud of you. Because as a generation I feel like my generation is very focused on making sure our kids know that we're proud of them. So, you know, I'm always quick to say, I'm proud of you, I'm proud of you, I'm proud of you. But when you challenged that and you were. what if we said, I hope you're proud of yourself. And, and encouraged that inward because that was not something that was ever, that was ever taught to me was to rely on myself. I've always relied on myself cuz I, you know, my grandma has passed and it, it's just, I've kind of been me on my own, but, Thinking of empowering women in that way and, and making my girls look inward and to trust themselves. I think, that's why I started following you in the first place. And then after following for so long, it was like, gosh, you know, I really wish that my girls could get a, get a piece of this. there's so much here. And it's almost embarrassing to think how much money we spend on club volleyball between training and uniforms and gas and hotels and food and, you know, all of the things that we do. Where are we developing them as a person? Because like you said, you know, at some point volleyball ends and, and life begins. either one of the girls might coach, might continue to play rec, that kind of thing. But we put so much of our lives into it right now. When it ends, what happens? And I think that that was the biggest piece that kind of made me jump off was. One, you broke it down into payments. And so I was like, okay, I can do this. I this, I got it. You know, it just, it changed the psychology of it. And I don't know if that's right or wrong, and I'm sure there's probably some financial wizard out there going, that's not the way to do it. But it did, it, it changed it and it made it affordable. And it was like, I paid $200 a month for lessons. Why wouldn't I pay $200 a month for the girls to get this kind of content and develop themselves as, as women, as players, as.

Breanne 9:53

Mm-hmm. Oh yeah, that's really well said. Like you are already investing in so much of the physical side of the game, so allowing it to pay off in this other, in this other area is huge. And that's what we talk to moms about all the time. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Cool. Well, Danica, I wanna hear from you and your, kind of, your perspective as an athlete with. With all of this. So obviously you have been through the Elite competitor program. Maybe you, maybe you haven't gone, I, maybe you're re-going through it. Like that's the beauty of it too, is that it's, you know, a one-time purchase, but then you have lifetime access to all of the content. So for you, what was it like before joining the Elite Competitor program and really focusing on your mental game? Can you kind of take us back to like, what, what was it like for.

Dannika 10:39

Before I just kind of my mindset was always when I messed up and was like, I suck and I can't do anything and I'm never gonna be good at it. I just wasn't as confident in myself as I should be. Cause now I know that I'm a great player, but it just wasn't in my mind.

Breanne 10:59

Yeah. Which is so common. Like Danica via Matt. If I were to ask athletes who potentially are listening to this or who have gone through the program to raise their hand and tell me when you make a mistake, or even after you play, raise your hand If you ever feel like you suck, like everyone would raise their hand. So like you are honest, I say this all the time too. When you decide you're gonna play sports, you check that box, that you're an athlete. It also comes with some of these thoughts of. Well, am I good enough to even be here? Or like, what does my coach think of me now? Like these are all very normal thoughts that all athletes experience, but not all athletes know how to navigate or even not all athletes know that this is common. So I love that. you were able to kind of shift the narrative for you, and I wanna hear about that. But first, Courtney, what did it look like from your perspective? I know it's, you know, you're talking kind of about Danica right there, but you're hearing it kind of internally, how she was processing some of the things that were happening. What were you seeing?

Kourtney 11:59

I, I was seeing the same in both girls. they were really struggling to get past mistakes and it was really interesting. I would watch them at practice and watch them just pour their heart and soul into something and, and to, to walk away leaving it all out on the court. But then they would just beat themselves up consistently about, well, I did this or I did that. And unfortunately, I think sometimes, girls get into environments, whether it. Coaching or team or, or whatever, where, they expect perfection and so they start down this path of if I'm not perfect, then I'm not good enough. Mm-hmm. And. That's what's so hard to see as a parent is to watch your girls pour their blood, sweat and tears into something, and then just because they're not perfect, they get upset with themselves and they get frustrated with the situation and you don't wanna see 'em fall out of love with the game because they got frustrated over one shanked pass or you know, one hit that that was right outside the line. Yeah,

Breanne 12:55

exactly. I, you, you nailed it because it's, you see, I think that's like, kind of really encompasses what moms feel. They're like, you see that they're working so hard, they're putting so much of their effort into it. They are improving, yet they're only pulling out the negative. And it's not to say that like we're not always, athletes aren't always improving and that there is room for improvement, but to like the cycle of beating ourselves up. Totally. So you jumped off, like you said, you're like, yep, okay, I've invested. This is, this is absolutely worth the investment. You know, their mental game, their confidence, them as humans, even over volleyball players. We're all in. So you get going with the program, Danica, what did you start to notice in yourself? What started changing after you started doing the elite competitor program? I

Dannika 13:49

started to notice that like after I made a mistake, I was way more positive about it and my mind didn't immediately go to like, I suck. I was like, I got the next one, and I'm a good player. I can do this, and more stuff like.

Breanne 14:06

Yeah. How powerful. And, what stands out to you in the program as, I guess, what was your favorite part to kind of simplify it? Like you learned all of these skills and you, you, you know, you're having these results around your mindset about how you're playing, but what do you think was most powerful for you as you were going through?

Dannika 14:24

I liked most of the breathing methods. Cause like sometimes you just need to take a moment and like slow down what you're doing and. Kind of tell yourself, go back to the basics and just breathe?

Breanne 14:37

it sounds so simple, but really, like there, there's science behind that Danica. So, you know, like just breathe. And honestly, that intentional breath and some of the breathing things that we teach inside ECP is they're designed to. You know, not to get too sciency, but activate the sympathetic nervous system so that you are, you're able to do what you've trained for instead of letting this like, stress cycle take over and then you're not playing how you apply. So, yeah. Courtney, what did you start to notice once the girls started the program?

Kourtney 15:08

A lot more confidence. I mean, it, it just really is that simple, like going through the program and understanding, why their brain does the things that it does, why, they get frustrated, and seeing that they're amongst others. I think that's one of the key pieces too, is that they're amongst others that are having the exact same, the same situations. I mean, they do the same things to themselves, so under. Their feelings are completely normal and there's, you know, there's nothing wrong with them because they feel that way. But as they started to go through it,

Breanne 15:37

I saw

Kourtney 15:38

Danica's always been more confident than her sister. She's, she's just always I don't know if it's that second younger, like I got this

Breanne 15:45

kind of mentality.

Kourtney 15:47

But I even Callie had so much growth. You could see it in her stature. You could see it in her shoulders back. She's on an elite team. And the girls that she plays with are incredibly talented. Mm-hmm. And so sometimes that means she plays three rotations. Sometimes that means she doesn't, she doesn't get in the game when she wants to. But watching her handle that completely different than she's ever handled that in the past. Still being positive, still cheering for her teammates, keeping her head up and still being engaged in the game instead of kind of seeing that body language wash over her of I'm not good enough. something's wrong with me. Why am I not in there? That kind of thing. And it was really interesting because we, we had a rough weekend last weekend, and so we were just, and we were talking about the program and I was like, I saw so much growth and like, you were doing so much better. Like, what happened? And she's like, I don't know. And I said, do we need to go through it again? Like, do we need to go back and just hit the reset button and go through it again? See, because if you want me to go through it again and me to do, you know, do the things that I did to go through it, I'll reread it again. I feel like I always find something new. Cuz this will be the third time I've gone through it now just in the last month. But it, that's what, that's one of the greatest things about it, is being able to go back into it and go, okay, let's, let's hit the reset button and let's, let's focus on breathing. Let's focus on, you know, the pieces that you really need right now. Mm-hmm.

Breanne 17:08

Yeah. You said so many good things because. this is just like any other skill, right? It's, you wouldn't, you wouldn't just stop. You're like, okay, I got my serve over the net. I'm just gonna stop practicing it. Right? Like you probably Danica practice serving every single day. You practice passing every single day setting, hitting, blocking, like you do all of these skills every single day, even though they're foundational skills, if the same thing goes for your mental skills, like we have to continue to practice them. And so I love that you're, you're going back through. You're gonna pick up things from the mom's side, like you said, that are like, mm-hmm. Oh, okay. That applies now. You know, or we're, we're hitting into that now. And then same thing for Call and Danica, you, you both are going to see and hear something a little different. You're like, Ooh, okay. That's something that I need to take away and really hone in on for, you know, this training block that I'm having coming up. Just like any other physical skill. If you don't, you know, if you don't use it, you lose it. And, and so that's why having that lifetime access is really key. It is. And the other thing you said is that, that I think is, is good, is that going through e c P, working on your mental game, Getting more confident actually doesn't mean that you're going to stop making mistakes or hitting up against hard times or any of these things, right? You know? Right. Like they're gonna happen because that's what happens in athletics. But how you approach them is going to change and what you choose to do through all of that is going to change too. So, Yeah. So many good things. Danica, have you, I mean, it hasn't probably been all roses and rainbows and like sunshine for you the whole time, either. Have you, have you run up against any challenges and if so, how have you navigated them maybe with a different mindset than you would've before?

Dannika 18:57

Well there was, I know there's one moment where one of my teammates got mad at me and I kind of just broke. And I had to get through the game, so I had to talk to myself and like, get me back. And it just made me realize that like it's helped me a lot more, like be a better athlete and just like focusing on like what I need to focus on mm-hmm. During the game and then focusing on. The hard emotions later.

Breanne 19:23

Yeah. Oh, that's good. I like that you said that, you know, like you can actually use strategies to get through that moment, knowing that you can process those hard emotions afterwards too. Like you have a plan for that, so Love that. Now Courtney, the, the mom's side of the elite competitor program, Is, you know, separate than the athlete side. I'm sure that you, did you, did you also do some of the athlete stuff or like see what, learn what they were learning too? Mm-hmm. Yes. Mm-hmm. Cool. Yeah, some moms, they, everyone kind of does it differently. They're like, oh, I'll just let my athlete do. I, I, were going through it with my daughter. I would wanna know exactly what she's learning too. And I'm like, I'm just so curious. But let's talk about the mom's side first. as you were going through, did you notice, you mentioned something about the, the shifting where your, your praise and, and you know, noticing where you're saying like, I'm proud of you versus you should be proud of yourself. Were there any other things that kind of, as you were going through the program from a, the mom perspective, that perspective of it that shifted or changed the experience for your daughter?

Kourtney 20:21

So funny enough, the very same incident that she's talking about with a player and getting frustrated with her I, I completely changed the framework of what had happened because I, I met her in the bathroom. I didn't see her after, you know, after the game. I met her coming out of the bathroom and she's a little stubborn, so she was, she was angry that her teammate was angry with. And so I was like, what happened? And she told me about what happened, and instead of letting her go down that road, which I, I probably have been guilty of in the past, I stopped her and I was like, wait a second. I said, do you think that she yelled at you because she doesn't have confidence in you, or do you think that she yelled at you because she believes in you and she knows that you're capable of better and. It, it just really kind of changed the whole situation because she was angry that she had yelled at her, you know, and it was kind of like this, you know, how dare you yell at me, whatever, whatever. But then, When I presented the question to her and made her think about it, it's somebody that she has a very good mutual respect for. They're both very key players on the team. And so I think it helped her realize that she is incredibly confident in her and she yelled at her because she felt like she was better than what she was playing. And, and similarly with Cali. I've noticed that my shift, typically, if I have seen Callie in the past getting upset with herself mm-hmm. It would make me angry and so I would yell at her and I'm like, you, you're ruining opportunities and you need to keep yourself together and, you know, never let him see you sweat. You know, that kind of thing. Not realizing that I was doing more harm than good and falling back on that, that love, falling back on that, let her. We've tried to use that, not just in volleyball, but in the different things that happened in our household. it's hard coming from a generation where it was, do what you're told because I said so. So to give them that ability to speak up and to be part of that conversation it really changed my mindset on. How I parent, not just how I deal with them in competition, but how I parent. Because not, not long after I got about halfway through e ccp, I started reading Parenting with Love and Logic. Oh yeah. And so, kind of the combination of the two just really kind of changed a whole lot I think.

Breanne 22:41

Mm-hmm. Yeah. That's huge. I love that you said that because we do pull from themes from love and logic. So yeah. And Danica, maybe, maybe you did notice it. So I do wanna kind of go into that. How do you think that your mom really committing to her side of the program while you are also working on your mindset? How do you think that changed your relationship?

Dannika 23:03

I think it brought us way closer. when I was angry and like mad myself, like she said, she got angry more. Mm-hmm. And now she's been more calm and that calms me down and it just really helps me out. with my emotions and my thoughts and like what I'm doing.

Breanne 23:22

Oh, I love that. And that's really special too, you know, like she is, you know, she's really committed to showing up and being the support that you need. And, you know, I would assume that that kind of takes some pressure off. Like you can just go out and do your thing now and Yeah, I love that. Okay. Well, I really appreciate both of you sharing kind of your perspective, but I do wanna leave some some room. Courtney, is there anything that you wanna share that we haven't covered or anything that's standing out that, that you wanna share with other moms and athletes who are considering joining?

Kourtney 23:56

You know, it's, it's that going back to we spend so much on the physical side of the game. Mm-hmm. And I think we take for granted sometimes that they are still kids and the, the mental toughness is not bred into them. You know, I mean, everybody just kind of expects everyone to be tough. And if you're not trying to find those skills and figure out how to be tough and learning how to be tough, it doesn't just always come naturally. I mean, obviously, you know, I mean, some kids get it naturally. They just have that ability to, to shake things off and to move past them. when you have that people pleaser child or you have those kids that you know thrive in that environment whenever they're being praised and guided. You as a parent have to step in and, and learn the tools yourself. Like, especially, like I said, with being a cycle breaker. that wasn't something that I was ever taught. It was pretty much just suck it up, shut up and get out there. and I think that I treated the girls like that. You know, suck it up, get out there, do what you're supposed to do. You know, I've spent all this money, you know, how to physically do the job. Why can't you figure it out mentally? When it's a way bigger puzzle than, than just.

Breanne 25:06

Mm-hmm. Yeah, that's huge. So, and it really does give you goosebumps when you talk about being a cycle breaker, because it is, and the things that you, that you learned kind of about yourself as a parent through all of this. ooh, it is so important. And, I've shared before, I'm not sure if, if you've heard it, but we didn't actually used to have like this whole parent side of the program and we found that we weren't actually getting the results that we were looking for. When only athletes were going through, because they're only part of the equation, you know, they can only do so much if they're in an environment that is actually not supporting their confidence. And so I love that you are, you know, Courtney, you're, you're taking this seriously. You're like, you are invested in your daughter's confidence and. Doing everything from your perspective too, to create that really solid environment for her. So yeah, you should be proud of yourself.

Kourtney 25:53

Thank you. It, it does it, it does also make you see things in other people sometimes, unfortunately, you know, and, but at the same time, like it's a great opportunity to share, it's a great opportunity to share the program and not just the program, but the other, you know, there are. Resources out there. Yeah. Like if you actually, if you take the time in and you invest the time. Recently I had a, another player's parent say, well, you know, they're playing this position and, and they don't belong in this position because, you know, they're not, they're not tall enough. Specific, obviously, specifically volleyball. They were asked to play in a position that they wouldn't typically play. And she's like, well, I just keep telling 'em, you know, they're not, this isn't their position, this isn't their position. And I was like, oh. I was like, you, you have to stop that. Yeah, your daughter sees her confidence through you, and if, if that's the lens that you're giving her, then how do you expect her to go out and, and rise to the occasion and to meet the challenge and, and to break the glass ceiling for what she's been asked to do. And it's really funny because about a week later, another, another mom was telling me, she's like, I, I don't know what you said, but you said something because like, it completely changed, like the mentality with the mom, the mentality with the kid. things really started to change and they're like, what? You know, what's this website or what's the podcast? Or, you know, that kind of thing. And so being able to share, not. Not just with my kids, not just with my girls, but I mean, when you're around this volleyball becomes like a family. And so, and I'm, I'm sure it's not specific to volleyball. I know I'm using volleyball, but being part of the program, I, it's opened my eyes to so many different sports and so many different things that other people do. When you're with those people 24 7, they kind of become your family. And so sharing that with them and making all of our girls better like that is just the coolest thing in the world to me. It's so fun.

Breanne 27:43

Yeah. Oh, that's so awesome. Your teams are lucky to have a team mom like you. Yeah. Some days. Yeah. Danica, what about you? There's actually two questions. There's one question I kind of forgot to ask that's super important, like it's practical. First of all, Danica, how did you fit this into your schedule? you're busy, you play club volleyball, you got school, you have social life. Like how, how did you fit

Kourtney 28:06

ecp?

Dannika 28:08

It's just like whenever I had free time and sometimes I had so many other things to do, but when I was doing like my laundry, I listened or like watched the video while I was doing that and writing each stuff down later. Mm-hmm. And I have a study hall period So every time that I had no homework in there, I'd do that and that just kind of make up for all the time that I was away doing volleyball. Yeah,

Breanne 28:36

smart. You fitted in. You use your time wisely. That's awesome. And then what would you tell other athletes who are considering jumping in?

Dannika 28:46

I'd tell them that. Just trust the process of it. Cause at first I was like, there's, I don't see how it's gonna work. Mm-hmm. And I don't know how breathing is gonna help me or and boost my confidence and takes my mentality. But after I finished it, I noticed how I got a lot more confident in. my mentality was way better and that I could just slow it down and do what I needed to do.

Breanne 29:18

Mm-hmm. Yeah. That's awesome. Yeah, because confident you gain confidence when you actually have skills to be able to work through those, those things that come up in your sport. So, yeah. And Courtney, I know you utilized some other awesome role models that the girls have in their lives. Maybe some, some athletes that are talking about the mental side of the game. And I, I bet that helps too, to see. You know, these athletes that are, that are crushing it are also very in tune with what they're thinking and their mindset as well. Yeah, I think that's a good, we've,

Kourtney 29:51

we've actually done, we've done quite a bit of research out there, on sports psychologists and things like that, and just kind of seen, not specific, but just seeing that, you know, most of these girls that are playing in college have some kind of mental coach, you know, and I hate it that the, the kids don't have that at an earlier age, so that, you know, they're managing both sides of it. I think that would be my biggest piece, like my biggest regret of ECP is that I didn't do. Four years ago, five years ago, you know what I mean? Like that I wasn't out there looking for something like this a long time ago and stumbled across, you know, the podcast. I, I think that is probably my biggest regret that I didn't do it a lot a long time ago.

Breanne 30:33

Mm-hmm. Yeah. Well, we are so glad that you found us when you did regardless and so happy to have all of you in our world. And again, I just appreciate both of you and Callie so much. So thank you for. For being on, sharing your experience and yeah. I'm just so grateful. So thank you both.

Kourtney 30:53

Thank you. Thank you. It's, it's been life changing.