Welcome to the raising unstoppable girl athletes podcast, where we teach sports moms, how to raise unstoppable confident athletes. Now this episode is pretty special because it is for athletes. So if you are an athlete, listen up. We are talking about perfectionism, and I'm going to give you a really quick, easy strategy that you can use today, at your next practice, next training session, or next competition to help you, if you struggle in this area of perfectionism. Now before I get into it, I actually want to give a shout out to one of the athletes in our program. So one of the athletes in our program, her name is Kelly. She is in competitive cheer. And she recently let me know something about what she experienced in the program. I'm going to read it to you because it's pretty awesome. So Kelly says this: "I had a big takeaway and it was all around learning how to have more confidence in myself, and realizing that nothing can stop me. I also learned many ways to bounce back from things, and the different ways I can use my breath to calm myself. And as a result, when I used to tumble, I actually was doubting myself a lot, but after doing this program I now have two new skills on the matt." So Kelly, I just want to say congrats and I'm super proud of you because, not only do you have two new skills on the matt, you also have all of these other skills to learn how to come back from mistakes, to use your breath, to calm yourself in those really pressure-filled moments. You learned how to believe in yourself and you realize that nothing can stop you. And because of all of that, you are doing amazing things. In your sport. And also in other areas of your life, so nice job Cali. Super proud of you. All right. Let's get into today's episode. This one again, like I said is for athletes and we're talking all about perfectionism. Now, if you struggle with perfectionism, this might sound like you, you need things to be perfect. Hey, that sounds, that sounds right. And you also as a result, do not like mistakes, because if you're making mistakes, that means that you are not perfect. Likely those who struggle with perfectionism are really focused on what we call outcomes. So outcomes are things like the wins or the losses. Stats scores, percentages, like all of these things that are all outcome based, you are really focused on. So you're laser dialed into them and you need them and want them to be as perfect as possible. And if they're not, you likely feel like a failure. You likely feel like you didn't do something right. You maybe let people down; you let your teammates down, coaches down, parents down, and you have this sense of like, oh, how am I going to get that perfect next time? Athletes who also struggle with perfectionism, worry a lot about what other people are thinking. Like I, like, I kind of mentioned when you make a mistake, you're worrying about what your coaches are thinking, what your teammates are thinking, what your parents are thinking, what people in the crowd that you don't even know are thinking. And athletes who struggle with perfectionism also view their performance as who they are. And what I mean by this is after a good performance, whatever that looks like and likely doesn't happen very often because it has a very high standard of perfection. But if it does, if you feel like it was good, then you can feel good about yourself. You're free to be in a good mood, but if you didn't perform well or you made one mistake or two mistakes, then you feel really bad about yourself. And it likely impacts the rest of the day. So, if that sounds like you, then you potentially are dealing with some perfectionism. And I want you to know right now that you are not alone. I have not met a single female athlete, including myself who does not struggle with some aspect of perfectionism. It's just so, so common. And your perfectionism is actually a part of you that is there to help you. I know that sounds very odd because you're like, well, there's so many, you know, negative things about being a perfectionist that I didn't really like. But your perfectionism is actually a part of you. And there are good things that come with perfectionism. You're probably very driven. You probably have high standards for yourself and other people. And we want to actually keep those around. We just want to actually, you know, change the part of perfectionism that makes you feel terrible about yourself. That really negative self-talk that causes you to beat yourself up and be in a really terrible mood for hours and hours and hours after you compete. You know, those are the things that actually don't help your longterm performance. Those are the things that actually don't help you become a better athlete because the athletes who actually go the furthest and do the best, aren't the perfect ones. They aren't the ones that aren't making mistakes. They're the ones that are actually taking risks, stepping outside of their comfort zone and learning new things and new skills. And what is required. In order to learn new things and new skills. Mistakes. When you were learning. You are making mistakes. And so the athletes actually that go the furthest and achieve the most, are the most successful, are the ones who are making mistakes because they are learning. They're stepping outside of their comfort zone. They're growing. And it's requirement to make mistakes in the process of learning. So that's why perfectionism is actually in conflict. With you achieving your goals. Okay. And I'm going to come back to this idea that perfectionism is just a part of you. We have multiple parts of us and I want you to think of, you know, situations where that perfectionism is really high. So maybe it's when you are learning a new skill or you're in front of a lot of people or it's an a game, and you hear that perfectionism voice. Really loud. Okay? I want you to think of it like a voice. And there's a perfectionist voice in you. That's you know, gets really loud in those moments and tells you things like you better be perfect. You better not mess up, look who's watching. All right. And you can actually become aware of that voice. See that it's there. Ooh. The perfectionist voice is very loud. That perfectionism part of me is really like, you can even give it a name. You know, Molly that perfection is part of me is really loud, whatever name that makes sense for you. Hey, we can quiet down now. And you can even, you know, in your mind, tell that perfectionist part of you. Hey, I see you. Thanks for being here to try and help me. I don't need you to be so loud right now. I've got this. All right. And this is actually a strategy. That really works. It really does. And the key here is I want you to think of the times and the moments where that perfectionism voice is really loud. So, like I said before, and this is kind of your homework to kinda think about. Where is it the loudest? When you're training, or when you're competing, where is it the loudest? And in those moments, I want you to think about it being a literal person or a little voice inside of you. It's not all of you, it's just part of you. And there are good parts of it. And in those moments, I want you to practice telling that voice: I see you. Thank you for being here and trying to keep me safe. You can quiet down now. I've got this. So that is your quick strategy to use to help you overcome perfection. And we have a lot of different strategies that we use, especially inside of the elite competitor program that helped with this perfectionism. One of the main things like I talked about is first, understanding that you cannot be perfect. And in fact, if you have goals as an athlete and you want to improve. Perfectionism is in conflict with that by nature. Because you have to make mistakes in order to learn it in order to get better. It's just what it is. But what you don't have to do is allow your perfectionist voice. To beat you up and tell you that you're not good enough, and tell you that you don't belong there anymore, and tell you that you'll never get this. That part you can do without. We can learn from our mistakes. We can get better. Right. We can see our mistakes for what they are learning opportunities. What did you learn? Move on. And we can also have this skill of knowing when to just turn down, like, just like you're turning down the volume of a song. On your phone or in the car. Just pretend like you're turning that volume down on that perfectionist voice when it pops up in those moments. All right, athletes. I want you to give this a try and let me know if you do, and if it's helpful, because I hear you. I know I've struggled with perfectionism for a lot of my life. And the key here is awareness of when it's loudest, and having the skill to be able to dial it down. All right, athletes. I hope that was helpful. I'm coach Bri, and I will see you in the next athlete tip episode of the raising unstoppable girl athletes podcast.