Has your female athlete ever asked you how she played after the game? How did you respond to that? 

This could be a real dilemma for many parents when it comes to giving athletic feedback. You could be torn between how to be a truthful mom and not acting out like you're the coach. If you have been to this arena, it helps to remember the different roles that you could play in your daughter's athletic experience. 

Parents would have the tendency to play any of these four different roles of an athlete, coach, ref, or parent. Keep in mind that only the parent role is chosen for you. The athlete is one exclusive for your daughter. The coach is one for her coach (although if you are literally her coach, it would be a different story entirely). The ref is also not in your court because you don't call the games. 

How do you play the parent role? 

The keyword here is support. Focus on how to increase confidence in your athlete's mindset. Here are some helpful steps you could do:

1. Train their mind to look to themselves for validation. Your goal is to help your daughter look to their skills, decision-making, and capability as an athlete to validate themselves. Redirect their questions back to them so that you will nurture their behavior of constantly seeking validation not from others, but from their own capability.

2. Reframe their questions introspectively. For instance, if your daughter asks you what you think about the recent game, ask them about any goals or plans prior to playing, and whether they have achieved this or not. You could also ask things such as, what were you proud of when you played? Allow her to explore these ideas so that she will strengthen her mental confidence. 

3. Use "I notice" statements. If, after letting her explore her thoughts, she still wants to hear what you think, then you can use statements starting with "I notice that..." and then redirect a question back to her. For instance, you could say, I notice that you were a bit aggressive in that game, and that was not your usual play. Did you notice that too? 

4. Stick to positive affirmation. When you do deliver your feedback to the game, also include "I notice" statements that pertain to her good plays. Affirm what she did well in a way that would boost her confidence. You could say something like, "I notice that you stayed open on defense earlier. That was actually a good decision you made there." 

Why your role as a parent is crucial?

Providing all the support that your female athlete needs is crucial in strengthening their mental game because this increases their competitive advantage. As their parent, you could boost their morale all the more when they understand that you trust them, and you validate that they are actually capable in themselves to handle quick decisions in the game. 

How else can you support as a parent?

If you are interested to learn more about how parents can further support their athletic daughters, we do dig deep into these topics in our Elite Competitive Program (ECP) specifically for moms. In this program, you will learn different practical strategies that would help you navigate the tricky situations of standing up in your parent role. Our waitlist program is already open, and we would be starting around July. So if you like to be in communication about this area, you're welcome to add your name. Just visit https://www.kristinabreanne.com/ECP.

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